It's not the destination, but the journey

There are different ways to measure accomplishments. Some are tangible and quantifiable, and some are more like a feeling.

I recently completed my first 5k race in 31 minutes and 47 seconds, averaging a 10 minute mile pace. Although small to those who run many miles each day, this was no easy feat for someone who could not run a single mile unbroken just a few months ago. This surely wasn't a safe task for someone who uses an inhaler multiple times a day just to breathe. And it's surely not what most doctors would have recommended or how I was raised to handle adversity.

But this accomplishment was a calculated plan. A measurable task with distance, time, and a clear end goal. There was a clear distinction between success and failure (e.g. running vs. walking, not crossing the finish line).

I'd like to highlight another accomplishment, though more subtle, has greater meaning along the journey. I was fortunate enough to spend some one-on-one time with my oldest niece and nephew up in Massachusetts this weekend.  In an effort to expose them to something different and to promote healthy living, we took them hiking in a state park. It was about a 2 mile trek to reach the Concord river and back to our starting location. Sharing this moment with them instead of divulging in sweets, fast food, video games, and other sedentary activities was worth more than running a full marathon! 

My niece Julia was getting tired and asked me to carry her some of the way. Unexpectedly, I was able to lift and carry her 50 lb. body (with altitude and uneven terrain). 

I might not have not lost any weight, I might be the same clothing size, I might not appear "fit" to spectators....

But the feeling this experience gave me represents how far I've come. This leads me to believe that it's not the destination, but the journey.

Mix It Up

I'm happy to report that I've reached all my goals. I am the fittest woman on earth. My health is perfect. And I'm done with all this exercise nonsense. 

Just kidding.

This journey has proven to actually be a journey. Not a straight line with a beginning and end, but an upward trending slope (with valleys and peaks). One week I'll make great strides, and the next week I'm barely doing the minimum amount of work. I was very congested the past few days and missed many days of exercise. I simply couldn't breathe well enough where exercise was safe. Last night was my first run after 4 sedentary days. And it was a good run - 1.6 miles (with only one nostril open for air!). 

Last week I learned a valuable lesson in "mixing it up" with varying my activities. My mix for the last few months has included CrossFit, Dance, and Running. Considering that CrossFit is different every time......and I have three activities overall. My mix is pretty varied! But given where I work,  I have a million more opportunities available to me that I do not take advantage of. I decided to take a boxing class as part of a special event. 

1. I don't like being violent (not that boxing makes you a violent person, but I just don't enjoy hitting things)
2. Ow my hands hurt
3. Much more of a work-out than I expected.  My arms were sore the next day.

It was cool to challenge myself to try a new skill and move my body in a new way. I'm going to make it a goal to insert a new activity into the mix every two weeks. I think the next one will be my first spin class!

This coming Sunday is my 5k road race. That means this week is my last chance to get to 3.1 miles BEFORE the actual race. Game face on, focused, and feeling better with my breathing. 

Run like Hell

September always feels like the start of a new year to me. Perhaps years of school conditioning has ingrained that into my mind. With a new year comes new challenges and goals. Now that the Tough Mudder is behind me, and I most likely won't be doing another one in the short-term because of my busy schedule and location limitations, I've set my sights on a new hurdle. 

I remind myself of the specific goals I outlined in June:

• Participating in the Tough Mudder on August 15th - CHECK
• Being able to run a mile unbroken  CHECK
• CrossFit: 
• being able to deadlift 150 lbs
• being able to successfully pull myself up on gymnast rings 
• Breaking a gender stereotype / shocking someone 

And I have decided to further develop my running abilities. I HATE running. It hurts my knees, it aggravates my asthma, and I look stupid doing it (sort of like a penguin or new born fawn). However, there is no denying that it is the foundation of fitness. Nearly all sports and fitness activities involve running, or at least as part of training. Running builds stamina, endurance, and discipline. The more I run, the more I work through my asthma.

I've signed up to participate in a 5k run on October 4th. I have exactly one month to prepare for it (5 km = 3.1 miles). My husband plans to join me, and possibly a friend or two.

I still haven't addressed my chronic pain and soreness issues. I'm pretty sure they are not injuries, but this seems like an intolerable way to live for months on end. What's the point of all this if I'm constantly in pain? 


(Photo credit: Reebok CrossFit One - August 21, 2015)
Check out the intense look of distress on my face!

I got a little muddy

Bruised, beaten, tired and sore....I am most excited to write this entry. On August 15th, the day before my 26th birthday, I participated in a Tough Mudder on Long Island. I've mentioned before that this was something I had planned to use as a benchmark, a goal to work towards. It was an emotional and physical roller coaster of an event. Luckily, I had a great teammate by my side (my friend Ali) and a wonderful cheerleader (my husband) snapping pictures along the way (although sometimes I wanted to throw mud at him during my low points).

As we waited for our wave to be released at the starting line, we heard a motivating pep talk from one of the event organizers. I'm a sucker for pep talks, and I honestly think it's what got me through the first few miles so well. He spoke about the reason we were there that day. Not to compete, not for the best time, not to succeed at every obstacle, but to do something difficult that scares us. He spoke of another mudder who recently passed away from battling cancer. He said don't feel bad for him, he accomplished more in his last years than most of us will in a lifetime. That mudder found strength in events like these, despite his diagnosis. The organizer also spoke of the fear and pain you might feel when facing an obstacle. He said to put in the context of a soldier who defends our country, a police officer, a fire fighter, and EMS who don't even hesitate a second before running into a dangerous situation to save a life. 

At that point, you could have put anything in front of me and I would beast-ed it! 

We ran the first 3 miles pretty consistently, but then my asthma started to affect my breathing and I needed to slow down. For miles 4 through 10, I ran sprints when I could and walked when I couldn't run.

The first obstacle set the tone that this was NO game; crawling through mud on the ground with barbed wire above your head. They failed to mention all the rocks and concrete only an inch under the mud which hurt like a bitch and tore up my elbows and legs. I spent the next few minutes complaining about it. Rule #3 Tough Mudder: "I do not whine, Kids whine."

Another significant moment was an obstacle called the King of Swingers, where I had to jump in mid air from pretty high up, grab a trapeze type bar, swing on it to hit a bell (yeah right), and then plummet into the muddy water (12 feet deep). I hesitated at the top and then finally let go. I was surprised that I grabbed the bar (it looked so far away). But then as I started falling towards the water, I filled with terror and began to panic. I hit the water pretty hard and came up gasping for air (although I can swim - it made no sense). Once I got to dry land, I literally curled into a ball and my eyes filled with tears. I needed a minute to get my shit together....

The thing that surprised me the most was the sense of community and comradery among participants. Anytime we needed it, there was a helping hand without having to ask. No one was being judgmental or putting each other down. At one obstacle called the Liberator, I had to scale a wall using pegs. About 3/4 up the wall, I misjudged the distance of the peg when I went to place my foot. My foot missed and started to dangle and I struggled to hold myself up. All I could think that I was going to fall to the ground and break an arm or leg. Then all of a sudden, some woman pushed me from below, allowing me to place my foot on a higher peg so I wouldn't fall off the wall. An angel. 

Around mile 8 I thought I was going to die. I was completely exhausted, every muscle hurt, and I've never run that much distance before. I suggested we cut through and skip the last 2 miles, but we decided to persevere and finish it, skipping the last two obstacles instead.

As we crossed the finish line and enjoyed our victory beer, I was already scheming on when I could sign up for the next one! 

In other words, I'm hooked! 

Slow and steady wins the race?

With less than a month away from Tough Mudder, I thought I would be further along in progress. I underestimated the layers of the onion that needed to be peeled away. However, I am surprised and proud at some of the small improvements I HAVE made. I think step one was just being aware of the problem and making active choices to get on the right path. Dedication - I have that too. I haven't given up on my goals. This week I broke my mile run time at 12 minutes (used to be 15 minutes). I'm hoping to be able to run the mile consistently (through my asthma) without losing my pace. That's the next step.

I've also noticed muscle definition in my arms that I've never seen or felt before. It's not something that others can really see because it's not dramatic yet, but with any small changes in your body, you notice first of course.

Unfortunately, people look for the visual cues of progress. I had someone recently grab the fat under my arm and say something along the lines of "I thought you work out now". I'm sure the person did not realize the effects of their poor actions, but it's more common than you would think. You can't help but let things like that get to you - even if you tell yourself that you don't care what others think.

Maybe slow and steady wins the race after all? 

I have to admit, I was also wondering why I haven't lost any weight (now 5 months into exercising daily and eating better). I mean ZERO weight loss. I went to the doctor last week for a physical and she went through the normal health checklist. She couldn't figure it out either. The only thing that I'm truly still doing "wrong" is drinking alcohol. Maybe as I'm getting older, my body is processing and storing it in a different way? I would say I've cut the amount and frequency of alcohol by 75% since starting this endeavor. But for some reason this specific sugar / carb intake is just sticking to me.

My other theory, which I have no proof of, is that I'm genetically disposed to look this way. No one on either side of my family is particularly fit or healthy. Many have struggled with some serious weight and health problems throughout the years. It sounds like an excuse when I say that, but I think there might be some truth to this whole thing being "harder' for me than the average person. Not impossible, just harder.

My husband and I are leaving for a two week vacation in Italy and we plan to stay as active as possible. In the past, we tend to enjoy activities instead of vegging out while on vacation anyway. If anything, we should be even better at it now. Italy involves lots of walking and carrying heavy bags, which will be a natural way to keep moving. The food quality, although carby, is fresh and portion controlled. I never gained any weight in the two years I lived in Italy. We also plan to incorporate swimming and hiking into our plans. Instead of looking at this trip as a negative break from my routine, I'm seeing it as a positive way to reward my hard work and keep active in new and refreshing ways! 

Someone needs to lay off the beer.....but it's summer, and it's so good!!!

Keeping it moving

On the road to getting fit, it's very easy to get down and out on yourself for not doing enough, not being good enough, and making mistakes. My last post was super negative, which is fine, because that's how I was feeling at the time. Nothing of high value comes easy, and I do not doubt the amount of work, sacrifice, and time it will take me to achieve my goals. There will be things I need to say "no" to in order to say "yes" to the actions required to achieve my goals. That's just the nature of hard work. You can't have your cake and eat it too (no cake here though, cake is very carby)!

This got me thinking about my goals. I had defined some broad ones at the beginning of my journey, in my first post:

1. Find beauty in physical strength
2. Be in the best health possible
3. Actually feel 25 with my body
4. Improve perception of self, both inside and out
5. Explore what other areas are affected by these changes

But let's be honest - none of these are very concrete. Don't get me wrong, they're quite inspirational. But they are not a tangible way to measure progress.

I drew some inspiration from an old friend, actually one of the first people I ever really worked-out with when I was 14-15. He's an amazing example of setting goals, hard work, and dedication, and I am very proud of what he has accomplished. A recent article he wrote helped set me straight. He talks about how getting down on yourself for only giving 60% instead of 100% is not under-performing. It's something to expect time to time. This helped me understand that being hard on myself will not move progress forward, but probably get into my head and make me feel worse.

He also mentions writing down your goals and what you’re willing to lose to achieve them. It's something to reference when the going gets tough and to keep yourself in check if you become consumed by your goal.

This got me to brainstorming some measurable goals:

• Participating in the Tough Mudder on August 15th (possibly finishing?)
• Being able to run a mile unbroken by September 2015
• CrossFit: being able to deadlift 150 lbs and being able to successfully pull myself up on gymnast rings by the end of the year 
• Breaking a gender stereotype / shocking someone (this one is not as tangible, but when it happens, I'll know)

What I'm willing to give up to achieve these:

• Time: 1-2 hours a day
• Partying / Excessive Drinking
• Social events (within reason, when they prevent my work-out / healthy living)
• Extra sleep: getting up early when necessary, mostly a weekend thing
• Indulgence: extra servings, cravings, poor diet choices 

I'm ready to stay committed to these goals and continue this journey. But I wish I had something more to show for myself. I know I said weight wasn't important to me in the beginning (and it's still not), but I do not understand how someone goes from a sedentary lifestyle to exercising 6+ times a week over 4 months, and does not lose a single pound. It baffles me. Is my diet really that bad? I think I eat so much better than the average person. 

Mystery left to be solved...

(Enjoying vegetables and fruits from my local CSA crop-share!)

Setbacks

I write frustrated and disappointed in myself as the last two weeks have been filled with setbacks. I give due credit to professional athletes and those at a much higher skill level than me who work hard at their craft and keeping their bodies in prime condition. It's no joke, taking a lot of discipline and dedication, like any challenge in life.

A few different factors contributed to my setback. My allergies and asthma flared right after Memorial Day weekend from sleeping outside on a motorcycle trip in NY.There were just too many triggers around me, and my health suffered. It took nearly 3 weeks to get them back under control!

Another factor was falling into old bad habits - specifically drinking. It's no secret that I like to drink. I'm a big fan of craft beer, the culture, history...I just love everything about it. However large amounts of alcohol are not going to help me achieve good health. Having a beer or two (as it's a passion of mine) is acceptable, but having 3+ beers in a single sitting is not ok. Besides the nutritional harm (sugars and carbs), it makes me feel awful the next day, leading to a poor work-out.

My schedule became super hectic and busy, between trying to balance the grad course, my workload spiking, and trips to New York. Keeping to a committed exercise schedule took the backseat. I started to make excuses and exceptions for everything. Another issue when trying to commit to a healthy lifestyle is your social life. I also experienced a spike of catching up with friends and social commitments. This led to a lot of eating out at restaurants, drinking, and skipping work-outs.

In summary, my setbacks (and I'm sure for many others like me) were primarily due to:

• Sickness
• Bad Habits
• Temptation
• Busyness
• Excuses
• Exceptions

How do we tackle these issues and prevent them from consuming us? I'm not sure we fitness amateurs can. Unfortunately you cannot plan every aspect life - expect the unexpected. Surely the professionals manage to avoid these problems, but I do not know their secret. I would assume they say "No" to a lot of social things, and fitness is their job, so that also eliminates one potential distraction.

On a positive note, I really enjoyed two specific fitness activities this past week. On Friday, I attended a large CrossFit event with over 100 people doing the same WOD with a partner. It was like gym class all over again in finding a partner, scrambling not to be the last one picked. But alas - I was. Lucky for me the other person left standing was jacked! And very kind and willing to help me.
He was very experienced at CrossFit, and we split the workload about 70/30, coaching me through my technique the whole time. I most definitely brought his time down, but he didn't seem to care about competing.

On Sunday, I kayaked in the Charles River in Boston with a visiting friend. Upper body strength! It was sunny and beautiful out, and I only wish we could have done more than an hour. Exercise that is fun and doesn't feel like exercise is my favorite kind!