I was at 6:30am CrossFit (don't believe me - there's a clock in the photo!) I'm staring intently at the coach to understand what the work-out will entail. In case you were wondering, it was rotating rowing and front squats for time. Then my attention shifted to my body in the photo....and how my back thighs (gluts?) are like bulging out of my shorts. Thoughts began racing through my mind: "OMG - do I always look like that? Is it just a bad moment? Are other people wondering what business I have wearing shorts at all?"
My first reaction was to use Photoshop to blur/blend so the skin looked more even. Then I stopped myself. That seemed backwards to everything I've been writing.
It's incredible how much power our mental health can have over our physical bodies. Recently, I had a BAD day - stressed both at work and at home. It was one small thing after another that snowballed into a hot mess version of myself. We were doing some bio-metric screening at work for employees - and I learned that I had gained 10 pounds. After 9 months of hard work...surely being rewarded with an increase in weight makes perfect sense (said no one ever). I got the old "well muscle is heavier than fat" speech, but I didn't want to hear it.
Strike two followed with the fitness test that followed. It was all like junior high gym class all over again. It was a particularly cold and windy day. The test involved running outside which triggered an asthma attack. I tried to stifle it as to not draw attention to myself, which probably just made my breathing worse.
Lastly strike three- Crossfit that particular afternoon was very crowded. You needed a partner and I got lost in the crowd (seriously....junior high again). With no luck, I desperately tried to find a partner or at least bring it to someone's attention. Fine, I'll do this alone. In my effort to find a partner, I missed part of the directions and was very confused on the movement I was supposed to be doing. I looked around and what everyone else was doing. "Hmmm ok they're moving the bar like that and then like this....ok seems easy enough." Famous last words.
It was the Bear Complex. Totally simple....
I tried several times and it felt so unnatural. I definitely wasn't doing this right. A few attempts in and I swung the bar up so fast towards my face that I hit my nose really hard. Ok let me just put the bar down for a second before I pass out in pain.
A coach comes along to ask why I stopped moving. I kind of stare at her blankly (perhaps even blinking). She asks if I was ok....boom, tears rushing down my face. Oh everything is just jolly! Next thoughts are quick, escape before anyone sees me cry.
And that my friends is someone having a meltdown.
I knew this was a step backwards: more significant than missing a day of exercise, or not being able to meet a minute, a mile, or a weight. This was some serious damage to my morale.
After a weekend of recovery - I went back to the CF box on Monday. The work-out involved double unders (the jump rope goes under you twice in one jump). I'm not exactly coordinated so the idea of moving that quickly just made me roll my eyes. Please - I'll stick to traditional single jump roping. Low and behold, after some pushing from a coach, I did my first double under successfully! And continued to do so for the entire work-out. My grin was ear to ear.
A step forward.
