Reset Button + The One Way Door

This past year has taught us a lot about ourselves, our loved ones, our communities, and our nation. For me personally, there are two ideas that are sticking in my head. You might have read about both of these concepts in various trend and economic reports (if you're into that sort of thing). They're not novel ideas, but they have been top of mind for me. And somewhat accelerated due to the nature of the pandemic. And both relate to my fitness journey. 

One is the concept of the Reset Button - "What if you could do it all over?" In other words, if you personally could go back to March 2020, before all of this happened, would you do it? (740,000+ US deaths aside) What did you lose that you'll never get back in the same way? An office job, work travel, where you lived, friendships, parts of your health - especially mental health. Are we permanently scarred from the trauma and damage of 2020 into 2021? 

From a fitness perspective, what was lost for me? A stable routine, the races leading up to the marathon entry, the NYC marathon itself, part of a thriving and inspiring fitness community of likeminded people, access to a CrossFit box. 

The other concept is The One Way Door - "What behaviors or learnings have you gained that you would never go back to the way things were?" Have you revaluated certain relationships? Have you seen true colors? Have you changed the way you budget your time, energy, and resources? The way you actually do your work? The easy example here is 'work from home' (which doesn't apply to everyone).

From a fitness perspective, some of my organic experiences have been lost. I need to plan more now, even though I have increased flexibility. It's bizarre. I think the 'one way door' for me is never going back to a full commute. It was literally taking years off my life health wise. I think it's never sitting 9-5 at a desk again. I think it's prioritizing my work schedule around my family and kids vs. squeezing them into whatever spare time I have left at the end of the day - where "work is king".

Somehow by doing all of these things, I've finally reached a point of balance (for now). I get all my work done (actually a lot more than pre-pandemic if you quantify it). I'm more efficient with my time. I'm saving money in some ways since "going out" now is very defined moments vs. organically (which is also sad in some ways - less spontaneous). 

So since both concepts are opposing ideas - which would I pick? I think if I'm answering honestly today, it would be the Reset Button. I think that's a crappy answer when trying to move forward, progress, evolve, and improve through life. But sometimes it's all just too hard.

Am I physically healthier than pre-pandemic? No, I don't think so. I've gained weight, slower pace and loss strength. Am I happier? No, probably not. But I need to let this new state of balance play out. And I think this is where healing starts to comes into play - and maybe that will be the theme and goal, the concept of 2022.

So what have I been up to?

A few fitness accomplishments! Coming off an injury, I successfully ran a Half Marathon back in May running a 10:56 average pace, with a total time of 02:23:15. Slower than my Half from 2017, but it felt great to get another one under my belt. Specific distances and events become mentally less daunting each time. 

I'm about half way through earning NYC marathon entry (New York Road runners 9+1 program). As a reminder, I already have entry - but I deferred to 2022. I'm looking to "re-earn" another entry to give myself future options 2023 and beyond.

And lastly, I finally joined a local CrossFit box back in June. Well actually, end of May - because why not continue my pattern of dropping into CF boxes as a stranger for Murph! (yes, I've done this before). At least I was not pregnant this time.

My current routine: 

5 mile Run

3 mile Run

4 mile Run

CrossFit

5 mile Run

13-16 mile Bicycle outdoors

Sometimes I swap one of the shorter runs for a lifting day at home. And Sundays are usually active recovery with the family (walk, hike, casual bike).

A nod to healing in 2022. 

Murph May 2021

Waltham bicycle adventures

Family hike 

Boston Run in August

SOURCES:

The New Yorker - December 2020

Hiding Behind A Mask

It's a been a full year since my last blog post - crazy times, fitting for a crazy 2020. So what have I been up to? Nothing and everything at the same time. I've essentially been hiding "behind a mask", both literally with my body and figuratively with my feelings. It's no surprise that collectively, our mental health has been suffering.

In my last post, we were in the beginning of the pandemic, but we didn't know it was just the beginning. I had just taken up virtual racing to get moving again and set some small goals. We lived in a semi-urban area, so during the stricter lockdown period, we walked a ton as a family. Pretty much every night after work and dinner. Those were hard times with schools closed, both small kids at home, and two full-time working career parents. Later into the summer, Rob even convinced me to start riding a bicycle and we went on longer day-trips and adventures with the kids in tow. Sometimes as long as 30 miles round trip! An obvious point - but we've never spent so much time exploring Massachusetts before. 

Then we decided to move - sort of abruptly, but a cumulation of many years of trying to, changing our minds, not being able to, and a long song and dance around priorities. I think the pandemic re-surfaced some feelings around house ownership, space to breath and work, and the desire to have various support systems nearby. The move itself was relatively smooth, but the "moving" part has been very challenging. Not a surprise though - we knew what we were getting into with family dynamics, a new environment, a different mix of people than we're maybe used to (or even prefer). I think it's really important to be transparent that our move was not a fairytale situation. Sure - we're extremely blessed. I love our new home, but it wasn't a direct upgrade situation. It was a lateral change.  

One positive (for sure) is loving my new running routes. In Massachusetts, we never lived super closer to the ocean. Now I run to the water nearly every day. More locally to the Bay when I'm doing a short run and more recently to the Atlantic Ocean as I've ventured further running to some other coastal towns outside of our own area. I love setting a goal to running to a specific pier, marina, dock, and even the sand on a beach.

Regardless of location, I noticed my running has had two polar dynamics this past year. Anger/Rage and Therapeutic/Healing. On the anger side, I've used running as a way to deal with really hard feelings. Disappointment in others, regret, sadness around injustice and the state of the world. I've cried while running more times than I'd like to admit. And on the flipside - for healing, to express love, hope, and triumph in small victories on causes I care deeply about. I do this stupid thing whenever I find myself caught off guard running in the rain where I switch to a specific rain playlist that's centered around "washing away sins" and becoming "clean". A clean slate. 

From a fitness perspective, I think it's pretty clear at this point that my main focus has been exclusively running. I completed a few more 5K and 10K virtual events to keep up the competitive drive and goal setting. In the last quarter of 2020, I completed a small running challenge with the ONE NY organization of 200 miles between September - December. It doesn't feel like a lot now, but it was challenging to accomplish during the move, holidays, and onset of the winter months. Totally worth it - the medal was huge! Coming off the high from that, I signed up for one of their next challenges - an annual Half, 1,010 miles total in 2021 (before December 31). It comes out to about ~20 miles a week.

Simultaneously, I signed up for my second (ever) Half Marathon (13.1 miles) as things warmed with the spring months arriving. I'll be running (supposedly, more on that below) the NYRR Brooklyn Half (virtual) on May 15th. I'm also calling it my "Roast to Toast" run because I'm running from Roast Coffee in Patchogue to Toast restaurant in Port Jefferson - essentially cutting Long Island in half length wise. 

To cross-train and build strength again, I purchased a set of rubber weighted bars. I wasn't ready for a real barbell again as I was essentially beginning from scratch. So I focused on re-learning movements (deadlift, snatch, squat, cleans, etc.), and as I became more comfortable, I moved up in bar weight to essentially using the equivalent of a traditional empty women's metal barbell. 

Everything was going great...until...

BAM Injury 

I hurt myself about 2 weeks ago. I'm not sure exactly how or why. I was feeling great. Maybe not enough rest days? Maybe I pushed something too hard too fast? Maybe lack of general 'care' and check-ins with my body like I was doing previously during training periods. I've been on my own this year when it comes to that vs. having a million resources at my disposal in prior years.

I went from sitting to standing and felt a rubber band snap feeling in my back. And I haven't felt the same ever since. Thanks to help from some professionals and experts, both past and present, (thank you!), I'm on the track to recovery. I'm feeling better, but not the same. Am I still running the Half? YES. Do I care about my pace or time anymore? NOPE. Will I walk for parts of it? PROBABLY. 

It's not just an event. It was giving me a sense of purpose and hope. It's super important to run for something. Run for yourself, your health, for a cause, for those who cannot run. Run to be there for your children when you're 90. Run to break down boundaries and stereotypes. Why do I run? All of the above. What's my favorite reason to run? To get out of my head and feel my body through hard work and pain. 

And lastly...(takes long winded breath), I deferred my NYC Marathon entry from 2021 to 2022. Because just no. Nope. I need to be in a healthier place overall to make that dream come true in the way I want, on my terms.

P.S. Don't try to cram a year worth of updates into one blog post. My bad.

Some crazy Boston family bike rides

Finally have space in the new house to
hang past medals and bibs from events

 How I feel about the past 14 months