2022 is for Healing

Some people like to make New Year resolutions. I like to set a mantra at the start of the new year to set the tone of my intentions, orient my goals, and keep myself accountable. 2022 is the year of Healing. Healing from trauma, anger, emotional injury, and literal physical injuries. Now writing this in February, we're not off to a good start 2022...get it together man!

But first let's recap the end of 2021 to better understand how we got here.

First there was the NYC Marathon weekend in early November. While we couldn't stay for the marathon this year, I completed volunteer service at the Javits Center to help runners pick up their bibs, answer questions, and figure out other logistics. I was also tasked with greeting runners from different states and countries, welcoming them to NYC. Sadly, no one spoke Italian with me!

Before we had to split, the festivities concluded with Rob and I running the Abbott Dash 5K (along with cousins and a friend). For both of us, it was our best Abbott yet - with my new time being 00:28:37 for this particular race and course (vs. 2019 - 00:30:38 and 2018 - 00:29:37). 2020 was cancelled because of the pandemic.

In December, I turned my sights to a more challenging race and a first for me - the Ted Corbitt 15K, which would be my last marathon qualifier of 2021. I ran roughly 9.3 miles through Central Park with a finish time of 01:35:40. It was frigid out! But I was super happy with my pace - exactly on the 10:00 I was striving for. And consistent. I had some pain between mile 8-9 with my left leg locking up. Apparently because it wasn't hot out, I forgot to drink water (rookie mistake). Nor do I replenish with gummies or anything because I didn't want to peel layers off from being cold (also rookie mistake). 

2021 concluded with logging my final run towards my year long NY One Challenge. Since January 1, 2021, I had been logging my miles through their app, competing with others nationally. I was supposed to run 1,010 miles, but unfortunately I didn't met my original goal. I closed out the challenge on December 31, 2021 with 775 solid miles run. No walking. During the year long challenge, my average distance per run was 4 miles, my longest run was 13 miles, and my average pace was about 10:00, and my fastest was 8:04. Most of these miles were outside enjoying the places I love. While I'm disappointed that I didn't complete the challenge, it's the most miles I have ever run in year. That's a huge win. 

While I was wrapping up that challenge, unfortunately my little family got sick with Covid over the holidays. It was awful and ruined our plans. Of the four of us, I had the worst symptoms - flu like. Luckily it passed fairly quickly over the course of 10 days. But more concerning, now in February, I still feel it in my lungs. I haven't felt the same running since. 

If you follow me on Strava, you know that I've been treadmill bound for most of January and February. This is a big pivot for me. I hate the treadmill. But with the cold air, my asthma, and the lingering effects of the virus, outside was making me feel sick. We've also had an unusual amount of snow and ice on Long Island making the running conditions outside less than ideal for safety (and with cars). I've setup a little home gym area (finally!) to get me through feeling homebound for now. 

These days, it has been extremely difficult to make the class times at CrossFit. I'm just at a period of my life between new jobs, new schedules, the weather, frequent sickness...and the kids being at an age spread where they really need me during any spare time I have. I miss the community. I miss the tools. I miss the expertise. It's super important to have that in your mix - solo workouts are not enough or sustaining. With my home gym setup, I've been lifting lighter weights at home to maintain for now. 

As I set my eyes on what's next. Healing, progress, and hopefully warm weather - I jump started these good intentions with a warm weather run in Manhattan Beach (LA) on a recent trip. I miss travel, but even more, I miss "travel running". We found a coffee shop 4 miles from our hotel and that was our target. Such a great way to explore a new place.

I'm both anxious and excited thinking about all the running that's about to enter my life. I'm planning to do 3 New York Road Runner races this year (NYRR). The first is a repeat race coming up in March - Washington Heights Salsa, Blues, and Shamrocks 5K. I really enjoyed the course and neighborhoods in 2020 (before the world shut down) and want to give it another go with new legs, new eyes, and new purpose. I'm also signed up for the Brooklyn Half in May which I also did last year, but this time will be in person. I haven't figured out what my third race will be yet, but likely something in the summer months.

Because...

I need to start training for the NYC Marathon in July. It's a 16 week program. Gulp. 

Reset Button + The One Way Door

This past year has taught us a lot about ourselves, our loved ones, our communities, and our nation. For me personally, there are two ideas that are sticking in my head. You might have read about both of these concepts in various trend and economic reports (if you're into that sort of thing). They're not novel ideas, but they have been top of mind for me. And somewhat accelerated due to the nature of the pandemic. And both relate to my fitness journey. 

One is the concept of the Reset Button - "What if you could do it all over?" In other words, if you personally could go back to March 2020, before all of this happened, would you do it? (740,000+ US deaths aside) What did you lose that you'll never get back in the same way? An office job, work travel, where you lived, friendships, parts of your health - especially mental health. Are we permanently scarred from the trauma and damage of 2020 into 2021? 

From a fitness perspective, what was lost for me? A stable routine, the races leading up to the marathon entry, the NYC marathon itself, part of a thriving and inspiring fitness community of likeminded people, access to a CrossFit box. 

The other concept is The One Way Door - "What behaviors or learnings have you gained that you would never go back to the way things were?" Have you revaluated certain relationships? Have you seen true colors? Have you changed the way you budget your time, energy, and resources? The way you actually do your work? The easy example here is 'work from home' (which doesn't apply to everyone).

From a fitness perspective, some of my organic experiences have been lost. I need to plan more now, even though I have increased flexibility. It's bizarre. I think the 'one way door' for me is never going back to a full commute. It was literally taking years off my life health wise. I think it's never sitting 9-5 at a desk again. I think it's prioritizing my work schedule around my family and kids vs. squeezing them into whatever spare time I have left at the end of the day - where "work is king".

Somehow by doing all of these things, I've finally reached a point of balance (for now). I get all my work done (actually a lot more than pre-pandemic if you quantify it). I'm more efficient with my time. I'm saving money in some ways since "going out" now is very defined moments vs. organically (which is also sad in some ways - less spontaneous). 

So since both concepts are opposing ideas - which would I pick? I think if I'm answering honestly today, it would be the Reset Button. I think that's a crappy answer when trying to move forward, progress, evolve, and improve through life. But sometimes it's all just too hard.

Am I physically healthier than pre-pandemic? No, I don't think so. I've gained weight, slower pace and loss strength. Am I happier? No, probably not. But I need to let this new state of balance play out. And I think this is where healing starts to comes into play - and maybe that will be the theme and goal, the concept of 2022.

So what have I been up to?

A few fitness accomplishments! Coming off an injury, I successfully ran a Half Marathon back in May running a 10:56 average pace, with a total time of 02:23:15. Slower than my Half from 2017, but it felt great to get another one under my belt. Specific distances and events become mentally less daunting each time. 

I'm about half way through earning NYC marathon entry (New York Road runners 9+1 program). As a reminder, I already have entry - but I deferred to 2022. I'm looking to "re-earn" another entry to give myself future options 2023 and beyond.

And lastly, I finally joined a local CrossFit box back in June. Well actually, end of May - because why not continue my pattern of dropping into CF boxes as a stranger for Murph! (yes, I've done this before). At least I was not pregnant this time.

My current routine: 

5 mile Run

3 mile Run

4 mile Run

CrossFit

5 mile Run

13-16 mile Bicycle outdoors

Sometimes I swap one of the shorter runs for a lifting day at home. And Sundays are usually active recovery with the family (walk, hike, casual bike).

A nod to healing in 2022. 

Murph May 2021

Waltham bicycle adventures

Family hike 

Boston Run in August

SOURCES:

The New Yorker - December 2020

Hiding Behind A Mask

It's a been a full year since my last blog post - crazy times, fitting for a crazy 2020. So what have I been up to? Nothing and everything at the same time. I've essentially been hiding "behind a mask", both literally with my body and figuratively with my feelings. It's no surprise that collectively, our mental health has been suffering.

In my last post, we were in the beginning of the pandemic, but we didn't know it was just the beginning. I had just taken up virtual racing to get moving again and set some small goals. We lived in a semi-urban area, so during the stricter lockdown period, we walked a ton as a family. Pretty much every night after work and dinner. Those were hard times with schools closed, both small kids at home, and two full-time working career parents. Later into the summer, Rob even convinced me to start riding a bicycle and we went on longer day-trips and adventures with the kids in tow. Sometimes as long as 30 miles round trip! An obvious point - but we've never spent so much time exploring Massachusetts before. 

Then we decided to move - sort of abruptly, but a cumulation of many years of trying to, changing our minds, not being able to, and a long song and dance around priorities. I think the pandemic re-surfaced some feelings around house ownership, space to breath and work, and the desire to have various support systems nearby. The move itself was relatively smooth, but the "moving" part has been very challenging. Not a surprise though - we knew what we were getting into with family dynamics, a new environment, a different mix of people than we're maybe used to (or even prefer). I think it's really important to be transparent that our move was not a fairytale situation. Sure - we're extremely blessed. I love our new home, but it wasn't a direct upgrade situation. It was a lateral change.  

One positive (for sure) is loving my new running routes. In Massachusetts, we never lived super closer to the ocean. Now I run to the water nearly every day. More locally to the Bay when I'm doing a short run and more recently to the Atlantic Ocean as I've ventured further running to some other coastal towns outside of our own area. I love setting a goal to running to a specific pier, marina, dock, and even the sand on a beach.

Regardless of location, I noticed my running has had two polar dynamics this past year. Anger/Rage and Therapeutic/Healing. On the anger side, I've used running as a way to deal with really hard feelings. Disappointment in others, regret, sadness around injustice and the state of the world. I've cried while running more times than I'd like to admit. And on the flipside - for healing, to express love, hope, and triumph in small victories on causes I care deeply about. I do this stupid thing whenever I find myself caught off guard running in the rain where I switch to a specific rain playlist that's centered around "washing away sins" and becoming "clean". A clean slate. 

From a fitness perspective, I think it's pretty clear at this point that my main focus has been exclusively running. I completed a few more 5K and 10K virtual events to keep up the competitive drive and goal setting. In the last quarter of 2020, I completed a small running challenge with the ONE NY organization of 200 miles between September - December. It doesn't feel like a lot now, but it was challenging to accomplish during the move, holidays, and onset of the winter months. Totally worth it - the medal was huge! Coming off the high from that, I signed up for one of their next challenges - an annual Half, 1,010 miles total in 2021 (before December 31). It comes out to about ~20 miles a week.

Simultaneously, I signed up for my second (ever) Half Marathon (13.1 miles) as things warmed with the spring months arriving. I'll be running (supposedly, more on that below) the NYRR Brooklyn Half (virtual) on May 15th. I'm also calling it my "Roast to Toast" run because I'm running from Roast Coffee in Patchogue to Toast restaurant in Port Jefferson - essentially cutting Long Island in half length wise. 

To cross-train and build strength again, I purchased a set of rubber weighted bars. I wasn't ready for a real barbell again as I was essentially beginning from scratch. So I focused on re-learning movements (deadlift, snatch, squat, cleans, etc.), and as I became more comfortable, I moved up in bar weight to essentially using the equivalent of a traditional empty women's metal barbell. 

Everything was going great...until...

BAM Injury 

I hurt myself about 2 weeks ago. I'm not sure exactly how or why. I was feeling great. Maybe not enough rest days? Maybe I pushed something too hard too fast? Maybe lack of general 'care' and check-ins with my body like I was doing previously during training periods. I've been on my own this year when it comes to that vs. having a million resources at my disposal in prior years.

I went from sitting to standing and felt a rubber band snap feeling in my back. And I haven't felt the same ever since. Thanks to help from some professionals and experts, both past and present, (thank you!), I'm on the track to recovery. I'm feeling better, but not the same. Am I still running the Half? YES. Do I care about my pace or time anymore? NOPE. Will I walk for parts of it? PROBABLY. 

It's not just an event. It was giving me a sense of purpose and hope. It's super important to run for something. Run for yourself, your health, for a cause, for those who cannot run. Run to be there for your children when you're 90. Run to break down boundaries and stereotypes. Why do I run? All of the above. What's my favorite reason to run? To get out of my head and feel my body through hard work and pain. 

And lastly...(takes long winded breath), I deferred my NYC Marathon entry from 2021 to 2022. Because just no. Nope. I need to be in a healthier place overall to make that dream come true in the way I want, on my terms.

P.S. Don't try to cram a year worth of updates into one blog post. My bad.

Some crazy Boston family bike rides

Finally have space in the new house to
hang past medals and bibs from events

 How I feel about the past 14 months

Alone, but Connected

I'm about to gear up for my second virtual race, something I never thought I'd be doing or saying. I can't believe it's the middle of May already - so much has changed, yet so much is stagnant. With the COVID-19 pandemic, I've been home for 11 weeks now. Outside of the actual virus situation and economic effect (which I'd rather not get into here), I think we can all share the same feelings of sadness and disappointment around cancelled events and missing human connection. 

I need to caveat the rest of this post with fully admitting how ridiculous (and even selfish) this will all sound as people have truly suffered with their health and livelihoods during this time. 

The event cancellations have really hit me hard as this was supposed to be 'my running year'. I had all 9 of my NYRR qualifying races registered and my travel planned. I only ran one event on March 1 before the pandemic hit (which I'm feeling really grateful for because it went really well). Besides being absolutely frigid cold out, Fred and Kara weren't kidding when they said to sign-up for the 'Washington Heights Salsa, Blues, and Shamrocks 5K' - it was super fun! I was still breastfeeding at that point, so luckily we had an awesome spectator who carried a backpack, and more importantly, cheered us (thanks Ali!) I was also super thrilled with my time of 0:28:57. Though not a personal best, still exceeding my expectations at this point postpartum, the elevation, and the cold temperature. 

At this point, all NYRR events through mid-August are cancelled. Graciously, the organization has decided to give everyone credit (who wants it) towards the marathon next year. That means I already have 7 of my 9 races completed. The next races I'm already registered for that have not been cancelled (yet) are the Staten Island Half on October 11 and the Abbott Dash on October 31. It seems like getting into the marathon for next year is a sure thing at this point. I should be happy about that, but I'm not. Not under these circumstances. And I wanted to earn it. But here we are.

Many lofty goals have been put on hold, and my fitness goals right now are just maintaining a baseline. In an effort to not feel as disconnected with the community, I've been finding new ways to engage. In the most simple way, since most of my running has become extremely localized, taking the opportunity to explore Waltham deeper. Finding more paths and interesting stuff to look at. I'm so grateful we live in this beautiful city. 

Running with a mask has been a more recent thing and challenging. At first it made me really angry, but I've decided that it's best for me personally and for those around me who I run past who may not be protected. There's an especially vulnerable population here and a concentrated number of cases. I basically keep the mask on when I'm running down main streets and then take it off for some breaths of fresh air when it's safe to do so in less crowded areas. 

Another way I've been connecting with others is through virtual races. Not a new concept, but now the norm. On May 2, my friend Bobby organized a virtual 'Fuck Coronavirus'  event with varying distances. We had 25 people participate! I choose to run the 10K distance and found an awesome path along the Charles River on a very sunny day, with a time of 1:06:41.

I'm about to gear up to go run the Harpoon 5 Miler, alone, but hopefully connected. With a cold beer waiting at the end back at home. 

Stay active, stay safe everyone. 

March 1st - Washington Heights 5K

May 2 - Fuck Coronavirus 10K

View of Boston from Waltham Prospect Hill

My running buddy

I wish someone told me

Currently writing this from an exercise bike at the gym. Not my usual jam, but feeling tight, tired and too overwhelmed for the treadmill or weights right now.

I wrestled writing this post 3 years ago. And I'm wrestling with it now again. I had hoped that things would have changed the second time around, in the future. Maybe I missed a class, a conversation, a page in the book. It was my fault that I didn't know. Then today I saw an Instagram post from super model Ashley Graham with the caption "no one told me that both me AND my newborn would be wearing a diaper". Even at the super model level, nobody told her. I thought surely with my second child it would be easier. While knowledge was power, it certainly was not easier.

I'm talking about the postpartum period. After a woman gives birth. And is no longer a vessel of life that we worship and shower with gifts. Why is this a taboo topic? Why in 2020, there is little education or preparation on perhaps the most scary thing a woman can experience. Even more so than childbirth itself.

Doctors certainly do not tell women. Women do not tell other women. Do we forget? Don't want to talk about it?

I don't think my peers even know what the term postpartum means, so how can we possibly begin to have a conversation about it. They ask how I'm doing and I mention "you know, going through postpartum stuff" and they assume "oh you're depressed?" Postpartum is the period after giving birth, about a 12 month period. Postpartum is a period of time, depression is a symptom.

And it's just as much about your body as it is your mind.

But we're starting to talk about it now (finally).

An ad was recently banned from the Oscars from Frida company showing a mom in pain to help market and promote their postpartum care products.

The most raw I've ever heard it discussed in mainstream media is when comedian Ali Wong jokes about it in her Netflix special "Hard Knock Wife". Some of her mom friends told her "winter is coming" (Game of Thrones reference?). 

Blood. Lots of blood. Like an organ exploded.
This was different for me after each pregnancy. With my first birth, I bled for 5 months. This including wearing adult diapers, special underwear, and heavy pads. I had to carry a change of clothes when going out in public just in case. For context, I was back at work at 3 months to the day and was still dealing with this. This also included an ER visit because I was losing so much blood that I felt sick. With my second birth, this only lasted 3 weeks.

Ice is your friend.
The first few weeks after birth are very painful, especially if you needed stitches. Most women use ice packs in their underwear. As well as an antibiotic ointment to prevent infection as your constantly changing "dressings" of gauze, pads, ice packs, etc.

Pooping/Peeing
It hurts. A lot. They won't let you leave the hospital until you poop at least once. It feels like giving birth again because you're essentially reopening the wound. And the urine burns every time. You cannot take a bath or wipe with toilet paper until the bleeding stops, so you have to use a sitz bath (container that goes around the toilet bowl to soak) and spray bottle after every bathroom use (imagine leaving the house needing all these items). Some women have hemorrhoids the last trimester of pregnancy through the first few months postpartum. The typical treatment is witch hazel pads which also go in your underwear. With the pads. And the ice.

Uterus Ouch.
After birth, your uterus needs to contract back to its original size (think basketball back to golf ball). So you have cramps similar to birthing contractions every day until it's "done". Once it's contracted, there's a general loss of abdominal wall structure. I've mentioned this part before in past fitness posts. Think "ability to hold your core" or like do a sit-up. In addition to this muscle, your other muscles and joints are generally weakened. Again, different for each birth experience in terms of which activities I was able to get back to first and excel at (running vs. CrossFit).

Crazy Hormones
The hormone shifts postpartum are unreal. They are necessary to cause all the physical things to take place (similar to when your body knows it's pregnant, it now needs to tell your body that you're not pregnant). Sometimes this leads to night sweats waking up completely soaked in a puddle of your own sweat. Of course these shifts take a mental toll on your stability and general happiness as well.

This is especially pronounced when...

Breastfeeding 
In past November we spent 2 nights away from the baby for NYC marathon weekend. I was crying in Port Authority (no, hysterical) because of a crazy hormone shift I was experiencing. And I was overdo for pumping.

In the beginning during the newborn stage, you are essentially feeding your baby every hour (at a minimum). Sometimes every 15 minutes. Breastfeeding is a full-time commitment and pumping equates to the hours of a part-time job. In an effort to quantify it, I tracked for a few weeks. At a conservative estimate, it's about 20 hours a week worth of pumping time. Once I went back to work at 12 weeks postpartum, I needed to maintain a pumping schedule of every 2-3 hours. Even in the middle of the night (typically the baby is up nursing all night anyway).

When you don't pump on time, two things happen: your supply disappears because it signals to your body that milk is not needed (which means your baby will be hungry). This is the worst feeling in the world. Secondly, your breasts become engorged which feels like migraines or sharp stabbing pain in your breasts. Sometimes it hurts so bad I get actual migraines, nauseous, and dizzy. This happens to me a few times a week (still) when a meeting runs late, there's extra traffic, etc.

If you don't keep up your pumping/nursing schedule, you're also at the risk of clogged ducts (self-explanatory) or Mastitis (an infection). Both are extremely common (at least once) for all women and are extremely painful.

Pumping and Breastfeeding are not worse or better than each other. They're just different evils and experiences. For me personally, the 50/50 split has been the most beneficial of not losing my mind within either. When I'm traveling for work and exclusively pumping while away from baby, I noticed my nipples are more sore because having just a machine do it is a lot on the body. The baby interaction is important to continue to stimulate milk production.

Can I get a wig?
This is a new symptom for me that I did not experience with my first child! At around 3 months, my hair started falling out. Not like a few strands, but baseball size clumps every day. I'm now 6 months postpartum and it's still falling out at a rapid rate. People have noticed and ask me why my hair is looking patchy and thin these days. I've been keeping my hair in a permanent bun as it's the only way to keep the problem contained and hidden. My scalp also hurts and is tender to the touch. Apparently it's normal and I just got lucky my first time around.

You can sleep when you're dead.
Lack of sleep. This one feels self explanatory, but no one can prepare you for the first 100 dark days. The sleep deprivation is so real that you begin to hallucinate. There's also something cruel and systemic about just falling into a sleep stage to be woken up in a startling way (cue: baby cry). Over and over again.

Feeling Blue.
Finally, the symptom everyone thinks about (while ignoring all of the above). I've been fortunate enough to not have any postpartum depression, so I will not try to speak to it. My experience has been more around high anxiety and panic. Being in a constant stage of fight or flight. It gets so intense sometimes that I freeze in a stressful situation and it feels like my brain has short-circuited. Every thing around me is happening in slow motion and I cannot form words with my mouth or actions with my body. I've had to hand the baby over to Rob when this is about to happen (I can think of 2-3 times specifically). But as recent as three weeks ago.

Baby Got Back.
I think this is where I've spent the most time in my previous more fitness related posts around my fitness journey, weight gain and loss, and exercise goals. Not a secret that you gain weight during pregnancy (shocking!) and need to lose it after. I gained 45 lbs with my first pregnancy and 30 lbs with my second.

My tummy is currently flabby AF with stretch marks. Based on my genetics, those are likely not going away. I'm now below my pre-pregnancy weight at 147 (yay!). But my clothing size still reflect a larger frame where I was more of a size 8/10 before my pregnancy and currently closer to a 10/12.

Who am I?
When you become a parent, your identity changes. This is a beautiful thing. When you become a mother, it's a bit more pronounced because of all of the above physical aspects in addition to sharing your life with a new human (which the other partner feels and experiences with you). I think part of the reason we don't talk about the postpartum experience is because there is a general lack of empathy for the well-being of women when they're not bearing children. This amplifies the loss of sense of self and identity. And is ripe breeding grounds for body image issues to flourish.

You are second place. Sometimes even third or fourth depending on family size and dynamics. Using the bathroom, showering, eating, and drinking water. All of that gets put on the back burner for hours. I know it sounds dumb, but in the foggy haze of this period, even basic functions become difficult tasks because of time, stress, and sometimes the ability to connect the dots. You know how during the pre-flight safety video they always say to "put the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others"? That should be everyone's postpartum motto. But it's not. And you can't breathe.

So whats the big deal? Now what?
Some of you may have read this and said "DUH, nothing I didn't already know". And some of you may be thinking "TMI, didn't need to know that". I can tell you when I speak to my peers, nobody knows any of this. I don't understand if that's just part of the natural cycle of life and to "let it be". It's not like I should run up to pregnant women and scare them with information! Or are women doing each other a disservice by perpetuating the cycle? In addition, there is definitely more that I have not personally experienced to be able to write about.

Alright, alright. Enough of that. 
Some exciting stuff in my future with a big shift towards running in March when Half marathon training begins for Gloucester on June 7. I will also begin my 9+1 race sequence in NYC to qualify for the 2021 marathon which needs to be completed by December 31. More to come on that soon!

6 months postpartum!

 

Resist Hibernation

So much to be grateful for over the last few months, and so much more work left to be done. Also so many photos and videos to share below!

RUNNING:

My 10k training plan proved to be successful in getting me through the Boston race, though it didn't go as expected. I didn't hit my goal which was 60 minutes. But I knew that wasn't going to happen because during the last week of training, I was still running around 11 minute miles. Even with the adrenaline of a race, it was unlikely I'd hit 10 minute miles. My final time was 1:02:57 (about 10 minutes slower than last year). It was a difficult race to benchmark myself against because last year, it was my fastest race and personal best ever. I ran with a buddy again which was an awesome experience, but I also learned a valuable lesson around pushing the pace. Having extra energy during a race is great to shave time off, but not at the expense of burning out too fast and having your last mile be really painful and slow. In hindsight, I should have stuck to my plan and the pace I trained for. My total race time might have been better if I was steadier throughout the whole thing.

Next was the Abbott Dash 5k in NYC in early November (the pre-race to the NYC Marathon). Again, a frustrating race to benchmark against postpartum because last year I was coming off the high of Half marathon training from the summer and still in great shape. My time was 00:30:38 (vs. last year 00:29:37). I was so close to matching it! Major shout out to my husband Rob for running with me (side by side) and carrying my breastfeeding pumps in a fanny pack so I could pump immediately before and after the race. I physically wouldn't have been able to participate if he didn't do this for me. Regardless of race times, we enjoyed "racing" (and drinking) around Brooklyn and Manhattan chasing Fred and Kara during the actual marathon. They did an awesome job and we had a blast. In usual Jackie style, I was super inspired. More to come on that later.

Lastly, I just completed a post Thanksgiving, Conquer the Hills 5k race on Long Island. Not your standard 5k road race. Super hilly, all trails, in the woods. Had to wear special shoes for it! I'm happy to report that I finally beat myself from last year with a time of 00:34:35 (vs. last year 00:35:40). Ok, so I barely beat it. And the conditions were not even the same. Temperature was 36°F this year compared to last year's 13°F. And I was already a few weeks pregnant last year, so technically not a pre-pregnancy benchmark! Still a victory in my book.

CROSSFIT:

Also some major CrossFit accomplishments to report on. Once I got back to work from maternity leave, I participated in three Open workouts which I have never done before (competition style). One of them, 20.5, required a strategy in how you split up the movements (20 minute time cap: 40 muscle-ups, 80-cal. row 120 wall-balls). I ended up doing this WOD twice to try and beat my score with a new strategy. It was nearly the same the second time around! I think it was a good "report card" of my current fitness level and no matter how I sliced it, the outcome was going to be the same. Also a good learning moment for me! Also it was more fun the second time around!

I also had an unexpected PR on a push jerk. With some one-on-one coaching, I was able to go heavier than ever before with weight at 85lbs, which is a lot for me personally to get overhead.

NEW GOALS & THE MIX:

As for goals, I need to continue working on my weight loss. Slow and steady, in no particular rush. I'm at 156, pre-pregnancy is 150, goal is 140. So I'd like to lose another 16 total by the 12 month mark. I have quite a series of events coming up in the new year to help me with that.

I'm planning to run another Half Marathon in either May or June, in Gloucester MA again. Training for that will start in March. I'm planning to participate in Tough Mudder on Long Island in July for the 4th time. I was a little busy giving birth this past summer to participate (like literally the same week). 

And...drum roll please. I'm committing to running the NYC Marathon 2021. Yes, the full 26.2 miles. Not this coming year, but the next year. So 2 years from now. Which means I need to use 2020 to qualify. Oh boy.

The next few months will be about resisting the urge to hibernate and become stagnant this winter. Getting outside to run or making it to the CF box when it's cold and dark is difficult. My ideal activity mix from now through the end of February is 4x weekly, split between CrossFit and Running. Not every week will be perfect, and when I can do more because time permits, I definitely will!

Reebok Boston 10k for Women

Abbott Dash NYC

Conquer the Hills 5k - Long Island NY

Conquer the Hills 5k - Long Island NY

Conquer the Hills 5k - Long Island NY

CrossFit - 20.3 open workout - Bear Crawl

CrossFit - 20.3 open workout - Deadlifts

CrossFit - 20.5 open workout - Repeat attempt

CrossFit PR - Push Jerk 85lbs

The New Normal

When I became a parent, life as I knew it changed forever. While some changes are a fleeting moment, this was not temporary or just a stage, it was permanent. Sure there are various stages of childhood development, each with its own set of joys and hardships. But being a mom or dad is a lifelong responsibility and a mind altering experience. With the arrival of my first born, my daughter, I had to adjust to losing some sense of self, independence, body autonomy, time, and shifting priorities. There's a light at the end of the tunnel as the kid gets older and you start to gain some of this back. Having a second child is like someone kicked you back down to the "bottom" as you experience this loop all over again. My fitness journey mirrors this cycle in progress, hardship, and triumph.

At 8 weeks postpartum, I feel very different than the last time around. Some things are easier. My body has bounced back quicker. There was less recovery time. I've been working out and progressing faster with less pain. The scary parts of being a new, inexperienced parent do not exist. Some things are harder. I'm so much more tired. Perhaps because I'm older. Perhaps because I have two kids with conflicting needs to wrangle. Perhaps because I'm pushing so hard to maintain the lifestyle I had with one kid, with little compromise. 

I'm going to be honest. I'm finding exclusively breastfeeding really hard. With my daughter, it was difficult in the sense that it was new. I had to learn everything. With my son, it came very easy. I feel super experienced and have a complex system in place for feeding and pumping. BUT I'm so very tired. He's a bigger baby and seems to be nursing more often and in bigger quantities. Especially at night between 3am and 7am where he just seems so restless. We started supplementing with formula when my daughter was 4 months old (a month after I went back to work). I was planning to do the same preemptively with my son, but now I'm questioning if I should do it even earlier to save my sanity. OR just push through the hardship. It is (was) really important to me to reach this milestone.

On a positive note, I'm in week 3 of a five week training plan to run a 10k. I've been running and going to CrossFit, feeling good and grateful to move my body.

Week 1: Run 3 miles, Rest, CrossFit, Run 3 miles, Run 3 miles, Rest, Run 3 miles (long run)

Week 2: 3, R, CF, 3, 3, R, 4

Week 3: 3, R, CF, 3, 3, R, 5

Week 4: 3, R, CF, 3, 3, R, 6

Week 5: 3, R, CF, R, Walk, R -->Race Day 6.2 miles (10k)

My goal for the race is 00:60:00 (vs. last year's 00:53:02). That means I need to hit a ten minute mile pace. I'm currently running between 11-12, with varying degrees of consistency and fatigue. It will get there with some more training! Or at least close.