Alone, but Connected

I'm about to gear up for my second virtual race, something I never thought I'd be doing or saying. I can't believe it's the middle of May already - so much has changed, yet so much is stagnant. With the COVID-19 pandemic, I've been home for 11 weeks now. Outside of the actual virus situation and economic effect (which I'd rather not get into here), I think we can all share the same feelings of sadness and disappointment around cancelled events and missing human connection. 

I need to caveat the rest of this post with fully admitting how ridiculous (and even selfish) this will all sound as people have truly suffered with their health and livelihoods during this time. 

The event cancellations have really hit me hard as this was supposed to be 'my running year'. I had all 9 of my NYRR qualifying races registered and my travel planned. I only ran one event on March 1 before the pandemic hit (which I'm feeling really grateful for because it went really well). Besides being absolutely frigid cold out, Fred and Kara weren't kidding when they said to sign-up for the 'Washington Heights Salsa, Blues, and Shamrocks 5K' - it was super fun! I was still breastfeeding at that point, so luckily we had an awesome spectator who carried a backpack, and more importantly, cheered us (thanks Ali!) I was also super thrilled with my time of 0:28:57. Though not a personal best, still exceeding my expectations at this point postpartum, the elevation, and the cold temperature. 

At this point, all NYRR events through mid-August are cancelled. Graciously, the organization has decided to give everyone credit (who wants it) towards the marathon next year. That means I already have 7 of my 9 races completed. The next races I'm already registered for that have not been cancelled (yet) are the Staten Island Half on October 11 and the Abbott Dash on October 31. It seems like getting into the marathon for next year is a sure thing at this point. I should be happy about that, but I'm not. Not under these circumstances. And I wanted to earn it. But here we are.

Many lofty goals have been put on hold, and my fitness goals right now are just maintaining a baseline. In an effort to not feel as disconnected with the community, I've been finding new ways to engage. In the most simple way, since most of my running has become extremely localized, taking the opportunity to explore Waltham deeper. Finding more paths and interesting stuff to look at. I'm so grateful we live in this beautiful city. 

Running with a mask has been a more recent thing and challenging. At first it made me really angry, but I've decided that it's best for me personally and for those around me who I run past who may not be protected. There's an especially vulnerable population here and a concentrated number of cases. I basically keep the mask on when I'm running down main streets and then take it off for some breaths of fresh air when it's safe to do so in less crowded areas. 

Another way I've been connecting with others is through virtual races. Not a new concept, but now the norm. On May 2, my friend Bobby organized a virtual 'Fuck Coronavirus'  event with varying distances. We had 25 people participate! I choose to run the 10K distance and found an awesome path along the Charles River on a very sunny day, with a time of 1:06:41.

I'm about to gear up to go run the Harpoon 5 Miler, alone, but hopefully connected. With a cold beer waiting at the end back at home. 

Stay active, stay safe everyone. 

March 1st - Washington Heights 5K

May 2 - Fuck Coronavirus 10K

View of Boston from Waltham Prospect Hill

My running buddy

I wish someone told me

Currently writing this from an exercise bike at the gym. Not my usual jam, but feeling tight, tired and too overwhelmed for the treadmill or weights right now.

I wrestled writing this post 3 years ago. And I'm wrestling with it now again. I had hoped that things would have changed the second time around, in the future. Maybe I missed a class, a conversation, a page in the book. It was my fault that I didn't know. Then today I saw an Instagram post from super model Ashley Graham with the caption "no one told me that both me AND my newborn would be wearing a diaper". Even at the super model level, nobody told her. I thought surely with my second child it would be easier. While knowledge was power, it certainly was not easier.

I'm talking about the postpartum period. After a woman gives birth. And is no longer a vessel of life that we worship and shower with gifts. Why is this a taboo topic? Why in 2020, there is little education or preparation on perhaps the most scary thing a woman can experience. Even more so than childbirth itself.

Doctors certainly do not tell women. Women do not tell other women. Do we forget? Don't want to talk about it?

I don't think my peers even know what the term postpartum means, so how can we possibly begin to have a conversation about it. They ask how I'm doing and I mention "you know, going through postpartum stuff" and they assume "oh you're depressed?" Postpartum is the period after giving birth, about a 12 month period. Postpartum is a period of time, depression is a symptom.

And it's just as much about your body as it is your mind.

But we're starting to talk about it now (finally).

An ad was recently banned from the Oscars from Frida company showing a mom in pain to help market and promote their postpartum care products.

The most raw I've ever heard it discussed in mainstream media is when comedian Ali Wong jokes about it in her Netflix special "Hard Knock Wife". Some of her mom friends told her "winter is coming" (Game of Thrones reference?). 

Blood. Lots of blood. Like an organ exploded.
This was different for me after each pregnancy. With my first birth, I bled for 5 months. This including wearing adult diapers, special underwear, and heavy pads. I had to carry a change of clothes when going out in public just in case. For context, I was back at work at 3 months to the day and was still dealing with this. This also included an ER visit because I was losing so much blood that I felt sick. With my second birth, this only lasted 3 weeks.

Ice is your friend.
The first few weeks after birth are very painful, especially if you needed stitches. Most women use ice packs in their underwear. As well as an antibiotic ointment to prevent infection as your constantly changing "dressings" of gauze, pads, ice packs, etc.

Pooping/Peeing
It hurts. A lot. They won't let you leave the hospital until you poop at least once. It feels like giving birth again because you're essentially reopening the wound. And the urine burns every time. You cannot take a bath or wipe with toilet paper until the bleeding stops, so you have to use a sitz bath (container that goes around the toilet bowl to soak) and spray bottle after every bathroom use (imagine leaving the house needing all these items). Some women have hemorrhoids the last trimester of pregnancy through the first few months postpartum. The typical treatment is witch hazel pads which also go in your underwear. With the pads. And the ice.

Uterus Ouch.
After birth, your uterus needs to contract back to its original size (think basketball back to golf ball). So you have cramps similar to birthing contractions every day until it's "done". Once it's contracted, there's a general loss of abdominal wall structure. I've mentioned this part before in past fitness posts. Think "ability to hold your core" or like do a sit-up. In addition to this muscle, your other muscles and joints are generally weakened. Again, different for each birth experience in terms of which activities I was able to get back to first and excel at (running vs. CrossFit).

Crazy Hormones
The hormone shifts postpartum are unreal. They are necessary to cause all the physical things to take place (similar to when your body knows it's pregnant, it now needs to tell your body that you're not pregnant). Sometimes this leads to night sweats waking up completely soaked in a puddle of your own sweat. Of course these shifts take a mental toll on your stability and general happiness as well.

This is especially pronounced when...

Breastfeeding 
In past November we spent 2 nights away from the baby for NYC marathon weekend. I was crying in Port Authority (no, hysterical) because of a crazy hormone shift I was experiencing. And I was overdo for pumping.

In the beginning during the newborn stage, you are essentially feeding your baby every hour (at a minimum). Sometimes every 15 minutes. Breastfeeding is a full-time commitment and pumping equates to the hours of a part-time job. In an effort to quantify it, I tracked for a few weeks. At a conservative estimate, it's about 20 hours a week worth of pumping time. Once I went back to work at 12 weeks postpartum, I needed to maintain a pumping schedule of every 2-3 hours. Even in the middle of the night (typically the baby is up nursing all night anyway).

When you don't pump on time, two things happen: your supply disappears because it signals to your body that milk is not needed (which means your baby will be hungry). This is the worst feeling in the world. Secondly, your breasts become engorged which feels like migraines or sharp stabbing pain in your breasts. Sometimes it hurts so bad I get actual migraines, nauseous, and dizzy. This happens to me a few times a week (still) when a meeting runs late, there's extra traffic, etc.

If you don't keep up your pumping/nursing schedule, you're also at the risk of clogged ducts (self-explanatory) or Mastitis (an infection). Both are extremely common (at least once) for all women and are extremely painful.

Pumping and Breastfeeding are not worse or better than each other. They're just different evils and experiences. For me personally, the 50/50 split has been the most beneficial of not losing my mind within either. When I'm traveling for work and exclusively pumping while away from baby, I noticed my nipples are more sore because having just a machine do it is a lot on the body. The baby interaction is important to continue to stimulate milk production.

Can I get a wig?
This is a new symptom for me that I did not experience with my first child! At around 3 months, my hair started falling out. Not like a few strands, but baseball size clumps every day. I'm now 6 months postpartum and it's still falling out at a rapid rate. People have noticed and ask me why my hair is looking patchy and thin these days. I've been keeping my hair in a permanent bun as it's the only way to keep the problem contained and hidden. My scalp also hurts and is tender to the touch. Apparently it's normal and I just got lucky my first time around.

You can sleep when you're dead.
Lack of sleep. This one feels self explanatory, but no one can prepare you for the first 100 dark days. The sleep deprivation is so real that you begin to hallucinate. There's also something cruel and systemic about just falling into a sleep stage to be woken up in a startling way (cue: baby cry). Over and over again.

Feeling Blue.
Finally, the symptom everyone thinks about (while ignoring all of the above). I've been fortunate enough to not have any postpartum depression, so I will not try to speak to it. My experience has been more around high anxiety and panic. Being in a constant stage of fight or flight. It gets so intense sometimes that I freeze in a stressful situation and it feels like my brain has short-circuited. Every thing around me is happening in slow motion and I cannot form words with my mouth or actions with my body. I've had to hand the baby over to Rob when this is about to happen (I can think of 2-3 times specifically). But as recent as three weeks ago.

Baby Got Back.
I think this is where I've spent the most time in my previous more fitness related posts around my fitness journey, weight gain and loss, and exercise goals. Not a secret that you gain weight during pregnancy (shocking!) and need to lose it after. I gained 45 lbs with my first pregnancy and 30 lbs with my second.

My tummy is currently flabby AF with stretch marks. Based on my genetics, those are likely not going away. I'm now below my pre-pregnancy weight at 147 (yay!). But my clothing size still reflect a larger frame where I was more of a size 8/10 before my pregnancy and currently closer to a 10/12.

Who am I?
When you become a parent, your identity changes. This is a beautiful thing. When you become a mother, it's a bit more pronounced because of all of the above physical aspects in addition to sharing your life with a new human (which the other partner feels and experiences with you). I think part of the reason we don't talk about the postpartum experience is because there is a general lack of empathy for the well-being of women when they're not bearing children. This amplifies the loss of sense of self and identity. And is ripe breeding grounds for body image issues to flourish.

You are second place. Sometimes even third or fourth depending on family size and dynamics. Using the bathroom, showering, eating, and drinking water. All of that gets put on the back burner for hours. I know it sounds dumb, but in the foggy haze of this period, even basic functions become difficult tasks because of time, stress, and sometimes the ability to connect the dots. You know how during the pre-flight safety video they always say to "put the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others"? That should be everyone's postpartum motto. But it's not. And you can't breathe.

So whats the big deal? Now what?
Some of you may have read this and said "DUH, nothing I didn't already know". And some of you may be thinking "TMI, didn't need to know that". I can tell you when I speak to my peers, nobody knows any of this. I don't understand if that's just part of the natural cycle of life and to "let it be". It's not like I should run up to pregnant women and scare them with information! Or are women doing each other a disservice by perpetuating the cycle? In addition, there is definitely more that I have not personally experienced to be able to write about.

Alright, alright. Enough of that. 
Some exciting stuff in my future with a big shift towards running in March when Half marathon training begins for Gloucester on June 7. I will also begin my 9+1 race sequence in NYC to qualify for the 2021 marathon which needs to be completed by December 31. More to come on that soon!

6 months postpartum!

 

Resist Hibernation

So much to be grateful for over the last few months, and so much more work left to be done. Also so many photos and videos to share below!

RUNNING:

My 10k training plan proved to be successful in getting me through the Boston race, though it didn't go as expected. I didn't hit my goal which was 60 minutes. But I knew that wasn't going to happen because during the last week of training, I was still running around 11 minute miles. Even with the adrenaline of a race, it was unlikely I'd hit 10 minute miles. My final time was 1:02:57 (about 10 minutes slower than last year). It was a difficult race to benchmark myself against because last year, it was my fastest race and personal best ever. I ran with a buddy again which was an awesome experience, but I also learned a valuable lesson around pushing the pace. Having extra energy during a race is great to shave time off, but not at the expense of burning out too fast and having your last mile be really painful and slow. In hindsight, I should have stuck to my plan and the pace I trained for. My total race time might have been better if I was steadier throughout the whole thing.

Next was the Abbott Dash 5k in NYC in early November (the pre-race to the NYC Marathon). Again, a frustrating race to benchmark against postpartum because last year I was coming off the high of Half marathon training from the summer and still in great shape. My time was 00:30:38 (vs. last year 00:29:37). I was so close to matching it! Major shout out to my husband Rob for running with me (side by side) and carrying my breastfeeding pumps in a fanny pack so I could pump immediately before and after the race. I physically wouldn't have been able to participate if he didn't do this for me. Regardless of race times, we enjoyed "racing" (and drinking) around Brooklyn and Manhattan chasing Fred and Kara during the actual marathon. They did an awesome job and we had a blast. In usual Jackie style, I was super inspired. More to come on that later.

Lastly, I just completed a post Thanksgiving, Conquer the Hills 5k race on Long Island. Not your standard 5k road race. Super hilly, all trails, in the woods. Had to wear special shoes for it! I'm happy to report that I finally beat myself from last year with a time of 00:34:35 (vs. last year 00:35:40). Ok, so I barely beat it. And the conditions were not even the same. Temperature was 36°F this year compared to last year's 13°F. And I was already a few weeks pregnant last year, so technically not a pre-pregnancy benchmark! Still a victory in my book.

CROSSFIT:

Also some major CrossFit accomplishments to report on. Once I got back to work from maternity leave, I participated in three Open workouts which I have never done before (competition style). One of them, 20.5, required a strategy in how you split up the movements (20 minute time cap: 40 muscle-ups, 80-cal. row 120 wall-balls). I ended up doing this WOD twice to try and beat my score with a new strategy. It was nearly the same the second time around! I think it was a good "report card" of my current fitness level and no matter how I sliced it, the outcome was going to be the same. Also a good learning moment for me! Also it was more fun the second time around!

I also had an unexpected PR on a push jerk. With some one-on-one coaching, I was able to go heavier than ever before with weight at 85lbs, which is a lot for me personally to get overhead.

NEW GOALS & THE MIX:

As for goals, I need to continue working on my weight loss. Slow and steady, in no particular rush. I'm at 156, pre-pregnancy is 150, goal is 140. So I'd like to lose another 16 total by the 12 month mark. I have quite a series of events coming up in the new year to help me with that.

I'm planning to run another Half Marathon in either May or June, in Gloucester MA again. Training for that will start in March. I'm planning to participate in Tough Mudder on Long Island in July for the 4th time. I was a little busy giving birth this past summer to participate (like literally the same week). 

And...drum roll please. I'm committing to running the NYC Marathon 2021. Yes, the full 26.2 miles. Not this coming year, but the next year. So 2 years from now. Which means I need to use 2020 to qualify. Oh boy.

The next few months will be about resisting the urge to hibernate and become stagnant this winter. Getting outside to run or making it to the CF box when it's cold and dark is difficult. My ideal activity mix from now through the end of February is 4x weekly, split between CrossFit and Running. Not every week will be perfect, and when I can do more because time permits, I definitely will!

Reebok Boston 10k for Women

Abbott Dash NYC

Conquer the Hills 5k - Long Island NY

Conquer the Hills 5k - Long Island NY

Conquer the Hills 5k - Long Island NY

CrossFit - 20.3 open workout - Bear Crawl

CrossFit - 20.3 open workout - Deadlifts

CrossFit - 20.5 open workout - Repeat attempt

CrossFit PR - Push Jerk 85lbs

The New Normal

When I became a parent, life as I knew it changed forever. While some changes are a fleeting moment, this was not temporary or just a stage, it was permanent. Sure there are various stages of childhood development, each with its own set of joys and hardships. But being a mom or dad is a lifelong responsibility and a mind altering experience. With the arrival of my first born, my daughter, I had to adjust to losing some sense of self, independence, body autonomy, time, and shifting priorities. There's a light at the end of the tunnel as the kid gets older and you start to gain some of this back. Having a second child is like someone kicked you back down to the "bottom" as you experience this loop all over again. My fitness journey mirrors this cycle in progress, hardship, and triumph.

At 8 weeks postpartum, I feel very different than the last time around. Some things are easier. My body has bounced back quicker. There was less recovery time. I've been working out and progressing faster with less pain. The scary parts of being a new, inexperienced parent do not exist. Some things are harder. I'm so much more tired. Perhaps because I'm older. Perhaps because I have two kids with conflicting needs to wrangle. Perhaps because I'm pushing so hard to maintain the lifestyle I had with one kid, with little compromise. 

I'm going to be honest. I'm finding exclusively breastfeeding really hard. With my daughter, it was difficult in the sense that it was new. I had to learn everything. With my son, it came very easy. I feel super experienced and have a complex system in place for feeding and pumping. BUT I'm so very tired. He's a bigger baby and seems to be nursing more often and in bigger quantities. Especially at night between 3am and 7am where he just seems so restless. We started supplementing with formula when my daughter was 4 months old (a month after I went back to work). I was planning to do the same preemptively with my son, but now I'm questioning if I should do it even earlier to save my sanity. OR just push through the hardship. It is (was) really important to me to reach this milestone.

On a positive note, I'm in week 3 of a five week training plan to run a 10k. I've been running and going to CrossFit, feeling good and grateful to move my body.

Week 1: Run 3 miles, Rest, CrossFit, Run 3 miles, Run 3 miles, Rest, Run 3 miles (long run)

Week 2: 3, R, CF, 3, 3, R, 4

Week 3: 3, R, CF, 3, 3, R, 5

Week 4: 3, R, CF, 3, 3, R, 6

Week 5: 3, R, CF, R, Walk, R -->Race Day 6.2 miles (10k)

My goal for the race is 00:60:00 (vs. last year's 00:53:02). That means I need to hit a ten minute mile pace. I'm currently running between 11-12, with varying degrees of consistency and fatigue. It will get there with some more training! Or at least close.

Baby 2.0 Birth Story

At my 39 week appointment, my doctor and I decided that we didn't want me to go overdue so we planned a delivery for 40 weeks. We all expected this baby to come sooner since it was my second pregnancy and I had been showing labor signs since early July!

Very early morning of Wednesday, July 31, I called the hospital to check my arrival time. They said to come in at 9:45am. We had just said goodbye to P (staying with Nonno and Nonna) and were about to leave the house, when the hospital called and said they needed to bump me later and would call back. I was frustrated because it meant more time to get nervous. We decided to meet Drew and Maggie for a quick coffee near the hospital to wait, and the hospital called back with my new arrival time of 11am. 

Luckily, most paperwork is filled out in advance these days so we didn't have much to do admin wise besides sign some forms. Lauren arrived the same time we were checking in and walked right into our assigned delivery room with us to unpack our stuff and settle in for the day. 

Around 12 they did standard blood-work and started me on an IV of fluids for hydration. My friend Caitlin also arrived at this point to help. The friends all cycled out throughout the day between the waiting room and delivery room, but sometimes, everyone was in the delivery room at the same time talking and laughing with me!

At 1 they started me on a low dose of Pitocin (Satan's drug) to get contractions going. I was still hovering around 5cm dilated and 80% effaced at this point. Not much different than the last two weeks of pregnancy. 

By 4 in the afternoon, I was having regular contractions, but at a low pain threshold. I was still able to walk around and have conversations. They tried to break my water (giant metal needle), but couldn't easily, so decided to wait longer. So they upped the Pitocin dose. 

Around 5pm, Pietra and my parents arrived for a visit. She expected to see the baby and was disappointed, as well as concerned about why Mommy was in a hospital bed with lots of wires and machines. She made a few more brief visits with Rob before things progressed too much and she shouldn't be around anymore.

Around 6, I tried using a birthing ball to bounce, stretch, and open up my hips. I had to come off the ball after just a few short minutes because they couldn't monitor the baby well and my contractions were not getting strong or frequent enough for labor to progress.

Once laying in bed, the contractions got much stronger as the Pitocin level was pretty high and I wasn't able to move around which previously had been helping to manage my pain.

Around 7:30, they successfully broke my water. At this point, the pain got much stronger and intense with heavier breathing, clenching teeth, and yelling. The contractions really hurt, but felt less scary mentally (than last my last delivery experience) because I knew what to expect. At this point I had to make a choice on how to proceed. I could get an epidural or I could try the the water birth in the tub. But I couldn't go back on my choice once it was made because of how far along I was in the process and all the machine hookups. 

The epidural was the "known evil" while the water method was something I've always wanted to try, but unknown. I consulted with Rob and we decided the epidural was best which I received around 8pm. That part was just as scary as last time because they had little time to insert the needle in my spine between very short breaks between painful contractions. I remember wanting to pull away from the needle but being instructed to lean into it, which was intuitively difficult.

Within minutes, the pain went from a 9 back down to a 3. I could still feel things happening, but it was manageable. Pietra came in one last time to say goodbye as it was already past her bedtime. She went back to our place with Nonna and Nonno, and would not be meeting her new sibling that night after all. Within an hour, I was ready to go dilation and effacement wise, but they wanted to wait until I felt more lower pressure and the sensation to push. 

At 10, I felt ready and the nurse agreed. I had to make a quick decision about if only Rob should be there, or if Caitlin and Lauren (who were currently in the room) should stay. I decided they should stay. They helped hold my legs and other support (cheer squad). I'm really glad they did as it's a memory and bond we'll always share together.

My OB was tied up in another delivery next door, so the nurse wanted to get me pushing while we waited for her. I pushed once and she had me stop before proceeding because with another strong push, the baby would be out!

The OB came running in and had me push a few more times. I heard someone say "he" before Rob saw the baby or could announce the gender, so I already knew a few seconds prior that it was a boy. At 10:14pm my baby boy was born! I remember my eyes filling with tears as soon as I saw him as they laid him on my chest crying. When he was born, "Hallelujah" by Rufus Wainwright was playing (the music was randomly cycling through my birthing playlist). They finished the delivery process while I held him there against me. 

They took him away to get cleaned up and run some quick tests while I caught my breath. When he returned a few minutes later, we were asked the name. It wasn't any easier to decide, even though we now knew the gender and could see him. We went back and forth for a good ten minutes with our index cards of names before deciding on a combination. Then Rob went out to the waiting room to tell those still waiting the news (Grandma, Grandpa, Maggie, and Drew). We named him Giovanni (for Rob's grandfather John and my Uncle Gio) and Robert (for both Rob and his father). We also just like the nickname Gio!

At this point, the friends began to file in for a quick welcome to Gio and to say goodbye to us. Once it was quieter, I got Giovanni to latch and we began our breastfeeding journey together. I immediately ate a protein box of cheese, egg, fruit, and peanut butter as a snack after a long day of little food. Starving is an understatement. 

ROB: [At this point, we needed to get the overnight bag from the Jeep, but the valet (that Jackie demanded we use early that day) had closed, leaving us without access. Drew ventured off to find the Jeep with Jackie's keys, but spent an hour searching the wrong parking lot before finding a security guard and getting some help. After retrieving the bag, Drew returned with both sets of Jeep keys and the Valet ticket, which made for some interesting problems in the morning. Seeing that we stole our own car from the valet and they had no idea.]

Now midnight, it was just the three of us. It was time to move into a recovery room where I would spend the next two nights. When I was ready to move, I ended up fainting from a drop in blood pressure when I stood up. They had to put me back in the bed and wait until I was stable again before moving. By the time we got to our room and got ready for bed, it was already 2am, after a very long day. We shared some reheated mac n' cheese delivery ordered a few hours back (smart move).  

The first night was a blur of every hour feedings between minutes of sleep. I had to wake Rob up to move him and back and forth to the bassinet as I wasn't allowed to fall asleep nursing/holding him, and it was difficult for me to get up anyway with all the pain. It was this same song and dance both nights in the hospital. 

The next day (Thursday) was August and full of visitors! Nonna, Nonno, and Pietra came to meet Giovanni for the first time. And Rob's parents came again to spend some time with us. Pietra brought her new brother her old monkey (from when she came home from the hospital) and a new blue bear with the hospital's name on it. Rob and Drew went out to get us an evening ice cream snack that we all shared together (pints of ice cream were passed around).

We requested to be discharged early as it was difficult to rest in the hospital. So we left Friday by noon and the real adventure began as our new family of four at home in Waltham. 

HEALTH & FITNESS UPDATE:

My last weigh-in before July 31st was 180 lbs. I was up 30 lbs total from my pre-pregnancy weight (150). Though I had gained a little weight in the winter and my ideal weight is closer to 140, which is what I'm going to work towards moving forward. At almost 3 weeks postpartum, I currently weigh 160. But as I've discussed before, the numbers do not mean much. It's much more about building your body and strength (and shape).

I haven't been able to do much more than walking and toddler lifting right now. But hoping to get back to my routine (slowly and scaled) in the coming weeks!

Excitement & Recovery

At the 38 week mark now and I can't help be excited about a few things. First, not being pregnant anymore. Secondly of course, meeting our new family member who will change our lives forever. Lastly and more related to fitness, kicking off the journey to recovery (again).

Besides my ankle injury, just recently this pregnancy has felt very different than last time. Up until about 34 weeks, I was traveling often and besides minor annoyances, mostly feeling well. These last few weeks have been different. I'm definitely feeling more tired, more achy, more mentally anxious. Maybe because I'm a little older this time around. Maybe because I have more responsibilities overall. Maybe simply because every woman and pregnancy is a different experience.

Physically, I'm up to 179 lbs and haven't gained any weight in 6 weeks. The same week of last pregnancy, I was up to 195. So I'm doing great on that front! And less weight to lose postpartum. But as we know from last time, losing the weight number wise is the "easy part", while healing, endurance, strength, muscle, clothing size...is SO much more difficult. 

My sprained ankle is mostly healed but still weak. I tried to run a few hundred meters last week, but it didn't feel good so I stopped. Probably a combination of not using my ankle for so many weeks, the actual sprain, and the pregnancy weight. In other words, running is still not happening until a few weeks after I give birth. Right now my routine has been mostly CrossFit, scaled, but going well. Rob has been helping me with some longer walks as well which is great for getting things into position.

It's difficult to sketch out a recovery plan without knowing the type of labor I'll have. Of course hoping and praying for the best and most healthy for the baby and I. And hoping not to be induced again. As I learned from last recovery, some things will surprise me (the adrenaline, being able to run sooner than expected) and some things will disappoint me (loss of muscle, loss of strength). I'm planning to join a local Box while I'm out of work so I can continue to do CrossFit. Other goals include a few upcoming races in the fall like a Women's 10k in Boston (October 14) and the NYC marathon 5k pre-race (November 2).

Long term, I'm planning to do back-to-back Half marathons in June 2020. I'm sad to be missing my annual Long Island Tough Mudder (right now! happening this weekend!), but looking forward to doing it again in July 2020.

Please keep me in your thoughts over the next few weeks.

55lb Power Cleans @37 weeks

Unexpected Setbacks

33 weeks

A race can go exactly as expected, sometimes better, and sometimes you stumble upon an obstacle in the road. Some obstacles are predictable and foreseen while you're training. But the unexpected ones can really mess with your head and plans. 

My April (second trimester) race was great! Besides the heavy rain and slippery ground in Central Park...I was exactly on pace at 11 minutes, finishing the 4 miles at 44:37. My May (third trimester) race was even better. With the nicer weather and shorter distance, I was able to pickup the pace closer to 10 minutes, finishing the 5k at 31:21 (only a minute shy of my previous non-pregnant time last year). 

Since then I've been keeping busy with work travel and layering in a mix of hotel gym workouts, some light running, and CrossFit when I'm home in Boston. I *had* planned on another race in mid-June...but that is no longer a possibility. We were hiking at the Delaware River Gap in late May and I twisted my ankle by stepping funny. It wasn't even a difficult part of the hike, it was the flat part. Then I twisted it another two times on the descent down as it was already weakened. Luckily no fracture or break, but a bad sprain. 

Disappointment doesn't begin to express how I feel about this setback. The doctor says at least 4-6 weeks "off". No running for sure. And other activities are proving difficult because of the now double modifications needed (pregnant + sprained ankle). These last three weeks I've only worked-out a handful of times (I tried swimming and some scaled workouts with a stationary biking). I already feel the amplified pregnancy symptoms (weight gain, lack of mobility, back pain). And mental health being the biggest issue coming off such a high of accomplishments, to not feeling anything like myself as my body continues to grow and grow.

Moving past the pity party...I'm trying to set new expectations. I was told I'll be tempted to run as the ankle feels better but should resist as chance of re-injury is high, especially with looser joints from pregnancy. 

One highlight during this "dark" period was doing the CF Murph workout on Memorial Day at a local Box (not my Box!) I was able to modify enough to make it work for both of my "disabilities" and had a blast working out in a large group again. 

April 20 - Central Park NYC - 4 miler

May 4 - Long Island NY - 5k