This is getting ridiculous

Week 24 - This is getting ridiculous. How is it possible that I'm going to get bigger?With 16 weeks to go, I just cannot comprehend how I can accommodate my tenant's future growth. I feel like a whale! (or as my husband likes to say, "a baby whale" in a Boston accent). 

I've had a solid 3 weeks of consistent exercise - which is awesome. Same mix of CrossFit, Dance, and distance walking in between. Many of my symptoms have been less intense, allowing me to have less bad days that mess up my fitness routine.

Unfortunately, this has been accompanied by an increase in appetite that could feed a village. Not necessarily bad things - but just deathly hungry every two hours. I also might have had Cheesecake Factory last week....including cheesecake. I've been trying to keep healthier snacks on hand (a different fruit every week, cheese, avocado slices). Tragically yet conveniently, our favorite local ice-cream shop has re-opened for the season, leading to some post dinner trips lately. 

I'm up +17 pounds total from my starting weight. I'm supposed to gain about 25 pounds in pregnancy (that's probably on the lower side, but I was really striving to keep at a healthy weight gain, limiting fat gain, and having it be mostly baby growth). If I have 16 weeks to go, this seems unrealistic as I continue to gain at least one pound per week. 

With the upcoming summer and warmer weather, I wonder if my activity level will remain constant and my eating habits improve. In theory, I think so. I'm always a happier and healthier person in the summer (pregnant or not). Winters in New England make you want to be outside as much as possible when the weather clears up. But like most of my theories, I'm usually wrong and over ambitious. 

I also can't wait to stop wearing these damn winter maternity clothes. I'm right between sizes right now and they're getting so uncomfortable. I already have new clothes purchased for spring/summer...fun, light, colorful. I'm dying to make the switch. Especially to ditch the boots for sandals so my feet can breathe and move. 

Almost there. 

International Fitness

We're past the 20 week mark - half way through (see picture for reference and proof). I'm at the stage now where people are staring at me, unsure if I'm pregnant or gaining an insane amount of focused weight in my belly. I wish I could wear a sign that says "It's not my fault!". 

The stares particularly intensified during my trip to Italy last week. My husband and I had acquired free airline tickets over the summer during our last trip there, and found ourselves in a "use them or lose them" situation. So we went! 

It was a short trip - only 4 days with travel. But well worth it to reconnect with friends, the land, and most importantly, FOOD. With the exception of things I'm not allowed to eat, I did not hold back. It was a carb fest. And I'm not ashamed. 

One thing to note is how different my body felt after eating much more carbs than I usually do - it felt crappy. It was delicious, don't get me wrong. But there's no denying the effect that extra sugar and carbs have on our digestion, energy, and overall health. It helps reinforce my theories about moderation and removing as much excess from our diets when possible (with the exception of vacations of course - I'm not a sadist). 

The stares from Italians was so bad that I started to unbutton my jacket and purposely put my hand on my belly (a habit I have anyway....some strange instinct). Just so they would know I was pregnant. 
The truth is, obesity is not viewed lightly in Italy (especially in the North). Not that anyone is necessarily fat praising in the USA, but Italians are so in tune with what they put into their bodies - that in general as a people, they cannot accept obesity (in the same way that Americans do).

I also noticed a ton more Italian runners in the street,  as well as signs advertising marathons, halfs, 5-10k, etc. When I lived in Italy, exercising in the street seemed less acceptable. It belonged in a gym. When I would walk or jog home from the gym in my athletic gear, I would often get stared at. This seems to be changing. 

When I lived in Italy, I always wondered how I did not gain weight (e.g. see carb fest). My FitBit gave me a little insight into why. On a normal day in the USA, outside of my workouts, I have a hard time hitting my suggested 10,000 steps per day. I'm usually around 8k by bedtime. During this Italy trip, I was averaging 30,000 steps a day without trying. And that's without the normal errands I would have had living there like going to and from work/school, grocery shopping, etc. AMAZING. 

Since my last post, my activity level has improved by about 30%. I'm feeling much better with all the pregnancy symptoms. I'll still have bad days of exhaustion, nausea, headaches.....but they are no longer constant. This means I'm able to hit my one hour per day of exercise more consistently, but not perfectly. Activities have mostly been walking for exercise at a moderate pace (a few miles),  CrossFit 2-3x times a week, and Dance 1-2x a week. 

I'm assuming the walking will increase dramatically as the weather gets nicer and the other activities become more difficult with my growing belly.

Currently waiting for the baby to start exercising inside me so that I can feel movements!

Harder than expected

As with most things along this journey, I underestimated how difficult it would be to continue to exercise (while pregnant). My ambition got the best of me. Where I usually have no problem following through with things (especially things I'm good at), this was a whole different beast to tackle. 

My hour of exercise every day has dwindled to "whenever possible, whenever I feel up to it".  It's been rough and a hard blow to my ego. I didn't expect to feel this sick throughout pregnancy. Certain symptoms that were supposed to get better in the second trimester have not (headaches, dizzy, nausea, exhaustion). Throw in a busy post-holiday work period and work travel, and my goal becomes even more challenging (as with anyone, pregnant or not).

I'll have one week where I meet my every day goal, and then a whole week of absolutely nothing.  

The biggest thing I had to give up was running which breaks my heart. I can't even wrap my head around moving my body in that way right now. Considering jumping hurts (think pain, jiggles, weird shifts in weight)....running which is basically a bouncing motion feels completely off limits. Maybe I wasn't enough of a serious runner beforehand to maintain it now?

My change in body image has also brought a whole new slew of emotions. The first picture is at 14 weeks. Unfortunately not a clear "baby bump" yet with most people mistaking it as "getting fat". I haven't gained much visual weight elsewhere, outside of my tummy area.

I actually haven't put on much weight at all - currently at 154 lbs (maybe +7lbs from conception). But the way my body is changing, the way my clothes do not fit, and the way I feel makes it feel like +20 lbs. There's been a big shift of weight, bloat, resources...whatever you want to call it, to my tummy and boobs.

Now at 17 weeks pictured below, the bump is becoming a little more clear (although I got the stink eye from someone in the locker room this week for struggling to get tight clothes on). People are fun. 

I already have two post-pregnancy fitness goals in my head (there I go with the lofty goals again). 

• Run a 10k in early October (the same race I did in 2015, but from 5k to 10k)
• And lose all the baby weight by New Years Eve (to fit into a slim party dress)

Ambitious? Maybe. I think I can tackle them. Especially keeping in mind that the little guy/gal below needs a healthy, fit, active (bad-ass) mom to raise them. 

Carrying extra weight

Well the cat is out the bag now. I haven't posted in awhile to avoid spilling the beans! So much in my fitness world has changed these past 3 months, that it was difficult not to write about it. 

I'm expecting a baby (not in the mail, in my tummy). I was not convinced it was true, but the ultrasound proved that it was in fact not too many burritos (as my husband suspected). Nor is it a puppy - sorry Rob.

I just hit 3 months / 12 weeks. Nearly done with the first trimester (not sure how this math works exactly....40 weeks / 3 trimesters = 13.3 weeks). I give up on trying to figure it out! All I know is a baby is arriving around the last week of July, maybe August if it decides to cook a bit longer. 

The first people to know I was pregnant were my CrossFit coaches, weeks before family and friends. It was a super awkward conversation for me, but necessary. They worked with me to immediately start scaling movements, intensity, and load. Basically I have to be able to talk during the WOD (not be completely out of breath), nothing that would hyper extend my abdomen area, nothing that is ab focused like sit-ups, and lastly nothing where I can fall (like box jumps). I've also added no jump rope to the list at this point because it's extremely uncomfortable. 

For weights I've scaled down to what still feels hard to me now. For example if I was lifting 100 lbs before, I'm doing 50 lbs now. Interestingly enough, this is still incredibly difficult as my body's "max" has adjusted naturally. 

Next I applied the same rules to Dance, although less of them apply. Dance is great while pregnant! Even if you look silly (especially the sexy moves......no sexy here). 

Now what I can and cannot do on paper means NOTHING if how I feel does not align. OMG ladies....I do not recommend this pregnancy nonsense. I know that sounds horrible, but let me vent please before you crucify me. 

Shortly after finding out, I traveled to San Francisco for business and had a great workout week. I was running great distances. Even through Thanksgiving I was killing it on the runs. Then week 6-7 hit. Like a wave all at once - constant nausea, acid reflex, throwing up, dizzy, achy, headaches, food cravings, food aversion. Then about week 9, the growth started. Boobs and tummy started to grow and I put some weight on. 

That has been pretty much been my life up until this point. I'm barely a functioning adult. Supposedly, it gets better soon and then I start to "glow". Like a tan? That would be nice.

I haven't run since early December - just can't swallow it. Maybe in the second trimester I can give it a shot.

My plan for pregnancy fitness is to stay as active as possible within healthy limits. Trying to exercise daily for an hour. No more record breaking and trying new things for the next 6 months (unless eating competitions count). Apparently it's really good for me and the baby to not veg out, even though I want to. Common sense. It will also help me keep my weight in check as I continue to grow.  

I can see myself running miles with a stroller in a few months....

Step backwards, step forwards

When I was looking for a photo for this post, I found myself caught in a weird trap. I even questioned drawing attention to it now.

I was at 6:30am CrossFit (don't believe me - there's a clock in the photo!) I'm staring intently at the coach to understand what the work-out will entail. In case you were wondering, it was rotating rowing and front squats for time. Then my attention shifted to my body in the photo....and how my back thighs (gluts?) are like bulging out of my shorts. Thoughts began racing through my mind:  "OMG - do I always look like that? Is it just a bad moment? Are other people wondering what business I have wearing shorts at all?"

My first reaction was to use Photoshop to blur/blend so the skin looked more even. Then I stopped myself. That seemed backwards to everything I've been writing. 

It's incredible how much power our mental health can have over our physical bodies. Recently, I had a BAD day - stressed both at work and at home. It was one small thing after another that snowballed into a hot mess version of myself. We were doing some bio-metric screening at work for employees - and I learned that I had gained 10 pounds. After 9 months of hard work...surely being rewarded with an increase in weight makes perfect sense (said no one ever). I got the old "well muscle is heavier than fat" speech, but I didn't want to hear it.

Strike two followed with the fitness test that followed. It was all like junior high gym class all over again. It was a particularly cold and windy day. The test involved running outside which triggered an asthma attack. I tried to stifle it as to not draw attention to myself, which probably just made my breathing worse.

Lastly strike three- Crossfit that particular afternoon was very crowded. You needed a partner and I got lost in the crowd (seriously....junior high again). With no luck, I desperately tried to find a partner or at least bring it to someone's attention. Fine, I'll do this alone. In my effort to find a partner, I missed part of the directions and was very confused on the movement I was supposed to be doing. I looked around and what everyone else was doing. "Hmmm ok they're moving the bar like that and then like this....ok seems easy enough."  Famous last words. 

It was the Bear Complex. Totally simple....

I tried several times and it felt so unnatural. I definitely wasn't doing this right. A few attempts in and I swung the bar up so fast towards my face that I hit my nose really hard. Ok let me just put the bar down for a second before I pass out in pain.

A coach comes along to ask why I stopped moving. I kind of stare at her blankly (perhaps even blinking). She asks if I was ok....boom, tears rushing down my face. Oh everything is just jolly! Next thoughts are quick, escape before anyone sees me cry.

And that my friends is someone having a meltdown. 

I knew this was a step backwards: more significant than missing a day of exercise, or not being able to meet a minute, a mile, or a weight. This was some serious damage to my morale. 

After a weekend of recovery - I went back to the CF box on Monday. The work-out involved double unders (the jump rope goes under you twice in one jump). I'm not exactly coordinated so the idea of moving that quickly just made me roll my eyes. Please - I'll stick to traditional single jump roping. Low and behold, after some pushing from a coach, I did my first double under successfully! And continued to do so for the entire work-out. My grin was ear to ear. 

A step forward.

It's not the destination, but the journey

There are different ways to measure accomplishments. Some are tangible and quantifiable, and some are more like a feeling.

I recently completed my first 5k race in 31 minutes and 47 seconds, averaging a 10 minute mile pace. Although small to those who run many miles each day, this was no easy feat for someone who could not run a single mile unbroken just a few months ago. This surely wasn't a safe task for someone who uses an inhaler multiple times a day just to breathe. And it's surely not what most doctors would have recommended or how I was raised to handle adversity.

But this accomplishment was a calculated plan. A measurable task with distance, time, and a clear end goal. There was a clear distinction between success and failure (e.g. running vs. walking, not crossing the finish line).

I'd like to highlight another accomplishment, though more subtle, has greater meaning along the journey. I was fortunate enough to spend some one-on-one time with my oldest niece and nephew up in Massachusetts this weekend.  In an effort to expose them to something different and to promote healthy living, we took them hiking in a state park. It was about a 2 mile trek to reach the Concord river and back to our starting location. Sharing this moment with them instead of divulging in sweets, fast food, video games, and other sedentary activities was worth more than running a full marathon! 

My niece Julia was getting tired and asked me to carry her some of the way. Unexpectedly, I was able to lift and carry her 50 lb. body (with altitude and uneven terrain). 

I might not have not lost any weight, I might be the same clothing size, I might not appear "fit" to spectators....

But the feeling this experience gave me represents how far I've come. This leads me to believe that it's not the destination, but the journey.

Mix It Up

I'm happy to report that I've reached all my goals. I am the fittest woman on earth. My health is perfect. And I'm done with all this exercise nonsense. 

Just kidding.

This journey has proven to actually be a journey. Not a straight line with a beginning and end, but an upward trending slope (with valleys and peaks). One week I'll make great strides, and the next week I'm barely doing the minimum amount of work. I was very congested the past few days and missed many days of exercise. I simply couldn't breathe well enough where exercise was safe. Last night was my first run after 4 sedentary days. And it was a good run - 1.6 miles (with only one nostril open for air!). 

Last week I learned a valuable lesson in "mixing it up" with varying my activities. My mix for the last few months has included CrossFit, Dance, and Running. Considering that CrossFit is different every time......and I have three activities overall. My mix is pretty varied! But given where I work,  I have a million more opportunities available to me that I do not take advantage of. I decided to take a boxing class as part of a special event. 

1. I don't like being violent (not that boxing makes you a violent person, but I just don't enjoy hitting things)
2. Ow my hands hurt
3. Much more of a work-out than I expected.  My arms were sore the next day.

It was cool to challenge myself to try a new skill and move my body in a new way. I'm going to make it a goal to insert a new activity into the mix every two weeks. I think the next one will be my first spin class!

This coming Sunday is my 5k road race. That means this week is my last chance to get to 3.1 miles BEFORE the actual race. Game face on, focused, and feeling better with my breathing.