The Countdown + Vacation Exercise

The Countdown 

There's approximately 14 weeks until the NYC Marathon (November 5) and I am well into training. As planned, I maintained my long run through June after coming off the Brooklyn Half. And then I started climbing again when July began. My long runs will continue to climb each week, but like I mentioned before, I've built in a "stepback week" between every long-run to allow for more rest. It's a very elongated training schedule, but I believe (and hope) it will work better for me after my various injuries last year. The traditional plans are usually 18 weeks and I'm doing 25 weeks total. 

Before we left for the Dominican Republic, I completed an amazing 13 miler from Patchogue to Port Jefferson. I felt strong and kept a great pace. I was even able to pick up speed towards the end. I did an extra tenth of a mile for good measure so I could be snarky and say that I ran a Half :-) It felt very bizarre to wake up on a random Thursday in my home and run a Half marathon outside of the context of a proper race. With little prep or adrenaline typically provided through a "real" event.

Another surreal thought is the fact that I will now essentially be setting a new PR distance every week until November. This week's upcoming 14 miler will be a PR. Then 15 miler - new for me. Then 16 miles...so on and so forth. 

And then doubt begins to creep in. When will this feel impossible? When will I hit an unmovable wall? When will I get hurt again? The mental component of running is real and huge. Yes, of course physical training is important. But the mental training and conditioning that's simultaneously happening should not be underestimated. As well as having the self-awareness to know that the feelings of doubt and fear are also normal and part of the process. Acknowledge them - and then tell them to "shut up" as you push forward. "Silenzio Bruno!

Vacation Exercise 

While in the Dominican Republic, we got up early each day to exercise at the hotel gym. It felt good to make that a priority and set the right tone for the day ahead. Drinking, eating, and lounging didn't feel "so bad" after putting the work in. And it gave us energy to do more fun activities throughout the day. It was nice to do it together with Rob - something we rarely do at home since we need to "take turns" in order to cover other responsibilities like the kids and house stuff, while the other person works out.

Have you ever thought "man this treadmill must be broken!". I always think that when I run indoors at home because I'm SO much slower on the treadmill. But the opposite happened on this trip! Because it was all short runs, and I was coming off so much distance running the last few weeks, I was much faster than my "outdoor pace". I felt good, bouncy, and it was easy to hustle through it...or maybe that treadmill was broken too :-)

Taste of Success

If you read my blog this time last year, it was a very different tone. It was pain, defeat, and disappointment. I described what I called a movie scene. Like a gunshot to my leg when I went down running in the last mile of the Brooklyn Half.

This year's Brooklyn Half can also be described as a movie scene. But this time, with a happy, hero, triumphant ending. I couldn't have been more prepared physically and mentally. But still, emotions were a bit shaky with some super high expectations I was placing on myself. And of course, the fear of re-injury. I almost closed my eyes between miles 11-12 so I didn't have to see "the spot" where it happened!  

BUT: nevertheless, she persisted. This year I took Brooklyn by storm. Literally. I ran a strong and consistent race. I was well within my goal pace range. And then around mile 10, I noticed the pacer to my left (the professional that holds a sign who's job it is to run a consistent pace for reference to others). I'm usually in my own little world and don't pay attention to them. But this time I happened to look at the finish time on her sign, and it was better than my Half PR time from 2017. I had to make a decision in that moment. Do I hold my pace? Or do I push to try to set a new PR? I thought about it for a minute or two after I had already passed the pacer. 

Here's where the movie scene comes into play. The sky got really dark and the clouds opened up, letting out what can only be described as buckets of water. You couldn't see one yard in front of you. Eyes were stinging as the sweat from your hair and face now rolled into your eyes. It seems like everyone picked up the pace to finish - so I went for it! I bolted! I also knew I could expect to see Rob and friends when making the last turn from Ocean Parkway onto Surf Ave once at Coney Island. Even more motivation to get there faster. 

I set a new PR (barely, but still a PR!) of 2:12:18. And immediately enjoyed a beer and hot dog once I got out of the very wet finish corral and reunited with the group. 

Accomplishment is an addicting feeling. Less than 24 hrs later, I was a little sore but nothing crazy. Trust the training - it works. My only "injury" was some bruised toes which annoyingly lasted over a week. My guess is once I was running through puddles, my feet were sloshing around my shoes a bunch. 

I didn't have too much time to dwell on my toes though...because less than a week after Brooklyn, I had MURPH at CrossFit. What is Murph? I've done it many years before, but quick refresher for ya'll. 

1 mile Run
300 squats
200 push-ups
100 pull-ups (I do ring-rows on gymnastic rings instead!)
1 mile Run

It's a standard CrossFit "Hero" WOD and likely the most popular worldwide. Thousands of people across the world all do Murph on the same weekend (Memorial Day weekend in the US). Funny enough I had been doing it in Boston for years without realizing that Lieutenant Michael Murph himself was from Patchogue NY, where I live now. Really strange coincidence. Now I notice his name on building and signs everywhere in his memory. 

Last year I had to skip Murph...well, see above: injury coming off the Brooklyn Half. Loss of NYC marathon entry. Sad shell of a person. 

This year my time was 63:05. I was super impressed with my running (DUH). That definitely felt like the best movement versus years past. Even the last run after being super fatigued. It was not my best Murph time overall, but it was a really consistent workout for me. I felt really good the whole time and was happy with my overall strategy to tackle the massive number of reps.

So what's next? MARATHON TRAINING! It's already begun! Actually it never stopped. I decided to maintain a base of 8 miles as my long run coming off Brooklyn for the past 4 weeks. That means, once  a week, I can go out and run 8 miles with no issue. This week was actually my first week of "climbing" with an increase of mileage to 9 miles. I will continue to climb until mid-October where my last long run will be 20 miles, followed by a 2 week taper / rest period before the big day.

My training plan is very detailed and robust, but generally looks something like this:

4 miles
CrossFit
3 miles
REST
10 miles (+1 mile each week)
REST
Cycle / Bike

I'm paying attention to rest more than I ever have before. Sometimes the day after the long run instead of REST, I will incorporate a light Cycle/Bike to help stretch and move, but nothing crazy. I also have some "drop" weeks built into my plan where I don't increase the long run, and actually drop down. This is another form of rest for me. And it allows for "mistakes" like being sick or something personally happening where I need to give myself some grace to get through a tough or unusual period. I'm hoping this design allows me to feel less pressure to perform when the going gets "too" tough. And reduces my chances of injury. 

If you want to help with my marathon training - I'm always looking for folks to leave water outside their front door for me (LOL). No seriously, it's like a fun little game to have the goal to run to and helps me carry less stuff while running.

Have a great summer everyone! Stay active. Be healthy. Drink margaritas. 

Varied Movement + Varied Diet

I've been around friends and family over the years who want to lose weight. For decades, I was always hearing about the latest diet programs. Some are recognizable brands that are now household names (Atkins, Slim Fast, Special K, Weight Watchers, etc.) Involving things like counting points, restrictions, measuring food, and the latest - "intermittent fasting". Then there are the exercise crazes as well. The latest class, club or gym that you must join. I've had a bunch in my day ranging from Tao Bo kicking boxing VHS tapes, Zumba dancing, to present day CrossFit. I've seen people experience some pretty significant weight-loss (including myself), but there's one thing I've witnessed even more - FAILURE. Most people put the weight back on and then some. 

Why does this happen so often? There's nothing inherently "wrong" with any of these methods. But there's one thing all these programs have in common. They're not sustainable. And they don't create reasonable standards towards living a normal, healthy, active life. Rob and I were arguing about this recently. His point was that sometimes people need "rules" (e.g. a program or diet) to jumpstart their weight loss at first. While I can understand that, the failure rate just seems so high to me, that it makes me wonder if that's the wrong approach from the get-go. 

I'm a strong believer that in order to crack the code to live a healthy life, you need to work on your mentality before your physical body. One follows the other. And one is a more powerful tool to reach your long-term goals - which should be good health, happiness, and preventing disease. Not a beach perfect body. Not a pre-pregnancy body. And not some unrealistic ideal that doesn't match your genetic makeup.

It's actually really simple, but requires a ton of patience. I mean A LOT of patience. Possibly years before you see any results. But how many years are wasted trying unsustainable things and failing?

The secret is confidence. And confidence comes from self-love. 

So how do we achieve this? Easy. A lack of childhood trauma, lots of privilege, therapy and drugs :-) Revised for real people: How do I start to tap into self-love? And how do I work on suppressing moments of self doubt, and even worse, self hate. 

It's reaching a point where healthy behaviors are so engrained into your brain that you don't even need to think about it. In a way, it's tricking your brain to be happy. When you can reach a point where you're not worried about numbers and weight, but rather how you feel. 

This is achieved through a simple formula:

Varied movement + Varied diet
With a dash of moderation

I'm not re-writing the book here. Nor am I a doctor or scientist. I'm just providing a layer of my own perspective. I'm not promising you'll be thin, but you'll be happy. 

Varied movement

Find something you really enjoy. Running, cycling, swimming, a specific class. Maybe it's just starting with walking first. Now do that thing a few times a week. If you enjoy it, it should be something you make time for and look forward to. Now fill in the gaps with other activities. Maybe you're lacking a day that gets you out of breath (cardio) or a day that builds strength (like weightlifting). Maybe it's flexibility with something like yoga. 

Keep moving - every day move your body in some way. It's never all or nothing. If your day blows up and you only have 10 minutes to exercise, do 10 minutes. 

Once you get used to these habits (which by the way, can take years), not exercising feels like not eating. You feel sick. You feel awful. It becomes just as natural as planning to eat a meal or showering each day. FYI - it probably took me about 5 years to reach this point. It doesn't come easy or quick, but it does last a lifetime. 

Varied diet

Strive to incorporate a variety of protein, fat, and carbohydrates into your meals. Aim to have less carbohydrates (and sugar) when possible. Aim to have more green vegetables when possible. Seek fresh, local, and organic options when possible. You don't have to break the bank to achieve this. Pick one thing in your fridge to swap out - start small, but start somewhere. Join a CSA at your local farm!

Don't have specific rules or restrictions, but use common sense. If you already had fries this week, maybe sub for a salad the next time around. If you know you're going to have pizza tonight, plan for a healthier lunch. 

To jumpstart a weight loss journey, there ARE simple behavior changes to more quickly reduce your caloric intake without having to do much tracking or worrying. 

• No soda - opt for flavored seltzer instead
• Reduce or eliminate sugars and dairy in coffee
• Reduce or eliminate fast food (if you currently get Taco Bell twice a week, start by reducing it down to once a week)
• Eat a large salad with protein BEFORE you plan to have a carb dish like pasta - it could help reduce your hunger and the need to binge on carbs
• Plan for snacks throughout the day - sometimes it's about eating more good things, instead of just eating less overall
• Reduce alcohol intake - I know, I know. This one kills me too. But I've always found it helpful to think about drinking for quality instead of quantity. Only drink things you really enjoy. Don't drink to get a buzz, drink to enjoy it. As well as avoiding sugary drinks with lots of additives. 
• Swap for whole or multi grain options instead of refined grains
• Look for ways to reduce sugar in the items you're already eating. This is a big one - and sort of sweeping across categories. The perfect personal example I have is yogurt. I've always been a yogurt fan! But I had no idea that most yogurts were practically like eating a dessert. I made the switch to plain Greek yogurt and never looked back. I still add stuff into it, but I can control the amount. It still can taste like a treat, but at a fraction of the calories than the store bought stuff.

I want to be clear that I'm not mocking or judging anyone who's currently pursuing a specific diet. But rather speaking to my experience that if you have to think of it as "a diet", and you find yourself failing often, it might be worth being more patient with yourself and trying a more gentle, self-love focused approach. Through varied movement + varied diet. 

I'm not 100% there yet either. There are moments when I think I got it...but in the end, doubt tends to find a way of creeping in. And I'm really hard on myself. I'm especially hard on myself about my postpartum body. I had two babies. The more weight I lose, the more pronounced my postpartum belly becomes. Without surgery, I'm never going to have a flat belly. I'm not knocking surgery, but for me personally, it feels like it's diminishing my worth as a woman to appeal to a modern societal norm. Good looking women have flat bellies. It would have been better to live in the Renaissance period because those women were thick :-) Do I hide my insecurities and supposed faults? Or do I learn to accept them, dare I say, even embrace them. Am I allowed to wear crop tops because they make me happy, or do I need to wear a baggy sweater in order to not make others uncomfortable about my fat?

Running Updates!!!

Since the last time I wrote, I wrapped up my 9+1 in December with an amazing Ted Corbitt 15K. It was raining pretty hard, but somehow, I took about ten minutes off my expected finish time. I guess I wanted to get out of the rain! With an official time of 1:35:49. But 9 seconds slower than last year (damn puddles!) But I did learn one very valuable lesson about being uncomfortable after a race. For the first time, our hotel was not near Central Park. I ran way too fast, I was wet, and then eventually cold and shivering. It took over an hour to get to back to a warm hotel. It was painful and an awful way to end such a great race experience.

This made me switch my November marathon hotel from being next to the Staten Island ferry in Battery Park in lower Manhattan, to much closer to the finish line near Central Park. 

Upcoming - I'm running Washington Heights Salsa, Blues and Shamrocks 5K again in March (love that course and that neighborhood's energy and music!). And luckily, my application was just accepted to run the Brooklyn Half again this May. As a reminder - that's where I hurt myself badly last year. And had to therefore, pull out of the NYC marathon. 

So many things to look forward to in 2023 and feeling great! 

P.S. I wrote this whole blog post eating cheesecake on the train on the way to Boston :-) 
P.S.S. I will continue to wear crop tops, FUCK OFF :-)

Ambitious AF

It certainly feels bittersweet and weird to be preparing for the upcoming NYC marathon weekend, with the knowledge that I was supposed to participate and now will only be a spectator. As expected, at the end of August I pulled the plug and withdraw my entry due to my injury and reduced training time that would certainly re-injure me. 

Going into this week, I'm in much better spirits than expected. Maybe somewhat relieved from the pressure, at least temporarily. 

I've been spending these last few months planning and executing my re-qualification for next year's marathon, which requires me to run 9 races of varying difficulty + one volunteer day for the organization. Somewhat luckily, I've been fairly active in NYRR this past year in preparation for the marathon, running my favorite races. I'm not starting from zero towards this count. Actually I started from 5 races already on the books. But nonetheless, still a difficult feat to quickly pivot from running for experience and fun to desperately needing those races to count. With a countdown clock towards December 31 ticking away.

The most recent big race (and post injury milestone) was the Staten Island Half on October 9. It was the most perfect weather for running, and the course scenery was breathtaking with the bridges and NYC skyline. BUT it was not my best performance. I pretty much knew by mile 3 that there was no chance I would recover enough minutes to clock a good time. I was running slow and it felt hard. And something just felt off. My feet felt heavy. Perhaps even just the pressure of needing the race was getting to my brain. But nonetheless, I ran safely and without pain with a finish time of 2:33:59. Considering I couldn't run for 3 months, I'm forcing myself to be happy with that. Even though competitively I'm not.

My races to date in 2022 - with an * next to the ones that count towards the program:

• January: Virtual Resolution Run 5K* 
• February: Virtual Black History Month 5K
• March: Washington Heights Salsa, Blues, & Shamrocks 5K*
• May: Brooklyn Half*
• June: Front Runners LGBT Pride Run 4M*
• September: Virtual New Balance 5th Ave Mile
• September: New Balance 5th Ave Mile*
• October: Staten Island Half*
• October Virtual Abbott Dash 5k

That leaves 3 races to go, including running the upcoming Abbott Dash which I've done with Rob and cousins for several years now. I will also be volunteering at the Marathon Expo on Friday to help runners find the information they need and welcome them to NYC (which is really fun and fulfilling across different languages!)

At the Abbott Dash, I'm curious to see if I beat my PR of this specific race last year which was 0:28:37. Rob seems to do better each year, whereas I waffle back and forth. Last year was a particularly good time for me - there was a lot of excitement! And the promise of an expedient brunch if I hurried up. 

On Sunday, we'll of course be "marathon chasing" which is a sport unto itself. With just slightly more alcohol involved than if we were running ourselves. The goal is to get 3 hits of Fred and Kara. We've always been successful seeing them at mile 6 in Brooklyn, mile 18 in Manhattan, and mile 22 in Manhattan. Even with the subways, we've never manage to get them in Queens. Perhaps that will be an added challenge this year to heighten the stakes!

After all the commotion and business of this upcoming marathon weekend, that leaves two races left for me to run - Virtual Run for Thanks 5K (easy) in November & Ted Corbitt 15K (more challenging) in December. I'm already ramping up for the Ted Corbitt race as it's only four weeks away and I don't want to lose my long-run base. I've run that one before - it will likely be a cold weather race with layers and some other dimensions added on to the experience. 

Here's to a safe, happy, and successful 2022 NYC Marathon weekend - and to the promise of a better year to come for my ambitions. 

Pain Is Not Temporary

My last post in February was about healing, and anything but that has happened since then. It's been a rough few weeks. I'm injured and my marathon dreams are in real jeopardy. Besides being physically hurt, the emotional pain feels deep to my core. It's difficult to explain what running means to me and why this setback, this year, at this moment...feels particularly unbearable. I thought this was my year, my chance to rid myself of the trauma of the past two years and use my favorite tool, running, as a mechanism to achieve something. To feel something. To feel greatness. And to feel worthy again. When the injury first happened, I felt like I reached rock bottom of sadness. In addition to an accumulation of recent events - mass shootings, war in Ukraine, political turmoil, my rights as woman being devalued. Can anything be positive anymore?

Indeed this will not be the year of healing - or will it?

It's important to understand how I got here. What feels to be an all time low came right after a few months of an all time high. I had a slew of accomplishments this spring. I ran my first NYRR race of 2022 in Washington Heights. I won a third place medal during a local race for St. Patrick's Day. I finally started going back to CrossFit again consistently after being sick with Covid early this year. And I had the best long run of my life - a 10 miler in the pouring rain where I experienced no pain and true runner's high that I forgot that I was running. 

Then there was an omen. About a week before the NYRR Brooklyn Half, I started to feel some dull pain in my right hip. This has been an issue for me in the past when I reach higher mileage in training. Dull became sharper as race day drew closer and I had to seek professional help to feel better. I *thought* I was ok. 

RACE DAY - MAY 21:

I was so excited to run this caliber of race. I didn't just sign-up, I earned entry from my prior year of work. I had a special race bib. I slept in a hotel the night before and laid out all my gear (it's A LOT of stuff). I took corny pictures in excitement.  In retrospect, I should have known it was going to a bad day when the person singing the national anthem messed up three times and had to start the song over!

The race began in Prospect Park. It was a one-way course, a loop in the park and then as straight shot down to Coney Island. Just like any longer race there was the normal progression. For miles 1-4, I thought "oh God - why am I doing this!". Then miles 5-9, I noticed I was actually running really well and slightly ahead of my goal pace. I could actually PR this race. Then around mile 10 after I had emerged from the park and had been running on Ocean Parkway for a bit, I started to get that nagging feeling in my right hip again. It was dull and I pushed forward, though making the conscious decision to slow down. I already discounted a PR at that point, but would still place a really good time for what I had expected to achieve.

What I'm about to describe next can only be likened to a movie scene - well from my perspective anyway. At exactly mile 12, I could see the rollercoaster and ferris wheel at Coney Island in the distance. I could smell the ocean. I could hear the larger crowds near the finish line. I was only 1.2 miles away from being done. And then it felt like someone took a gun and shot me in back of my right leg and I stumbled down, but caught myself before hitting the ground. I hate to use a gun analogy, but it's the only one that reflects what it felt like. Sharp and sudden. I got right back up. A little dazed and confused. I remember quickly looking around and all of a sudden realizing there were lots of runners in bad shape. Not just the ones that looked like me, but the super fit ones, professionals, experienced - people were suffering.

Further context: it was 90 degrees out, the course was designated level red for high risk safety, 16 runners were hospitalized and 1 died from cardiac arrest. 

I got back up and started to run again. Within 30 seconds, my leg started to spasm (like rubber bands snapping or a guitar strings breaking one by one). I stopped again and went off to the curb to do some stretching. I couldn't believe this was happening to me, but at the same time, I was slightly laughing it off as a story I could tell later. I was confident that I would shake this off and keep running.

I began running yet again, at this point, only going maybe 100 feet, when the leg spasmed again, and again, and again. I went off to the side to get out of the way of other runners who at that point were full force, trying to take seconds off their finish time being so close to the end. I began to sob. I'm talking ugly cry with gasps and all. Medics came to check on me, and I brushed them off. Still not fully understanding what was happening. Other runners tried to get me to run with them (very annoying, don't ever do this to someone). I remember trying to run a few steps with one person (their face is blank in my memory), and then my leg spasmed again. This pattern continued for the remaining 1.1 miles. 

At some point, I texted Rob's cousins who already finished and were waiting for me at the finish line to be prepared to deal with a disaster when I arrived. I remember muscling up the last few hundred feet once on the boardwalk by stiffening my leg to lock it out. This prevented the spasm at least temporarily so I could finish with some *dignity*. 

Was I dehydrated? I had been drinking at every station the entire race and eating gummies to add calories back.

When I received the event photos, this exact timeline that I described above is evident in the timestamps and mile-markers. You can even see when I locked my leg out to drag it across. It's crazy. Once the dust had settled and I was home, I found out that my IT band that extends from my hip to my knee had micro-tears. I began rehabilitating that immediately. 

The story is not over yet.

About 10 days after the injury, I went for my first short run. It went great, slow but no pain. The next day, I attempted to run again but wasn't feeling great. My hip started to hurt again so I stopped immediately and begin to walk home. As I turned the corner onto my block, I twisted my left ankle and fell on the pavement. I have no idea what happened and honestly blacked out a few seconds of memory. My phone was smashed. It might have been in my hand instead of my running belt - I don't remember. I don't know exactly where I fell either, just the general vicinity. That patch of road is very uneven and has lots of potholes. I was covered in blood from my elbows and knees. I remember walking home and asking Rob for help. I don't do well with the sight of too much blood and it really hurt with little pieces of pavement stuck in the cuts. I hadn't even process the ankle yet since the blood felt more pressing.

As I was getting my cuts cleaned up, I noticed my my ankle had swelled to the size of a baseball. It was throbbing and really painful. That's when it hit me that Brooklyn wasn't rock bottom, this was. And if you think I cried on the race course, the crying that happened in that bathroom was the real deal. 6 weeks later my kids are still talking about the day Mommy cried in the bathroom. 

I suffered a grade 2 ankle sprain (partial tear, not complete). For those who have read my blog before, this is not the first time I've done this to me left ankle (re: pregnancy, hiking 2019). And way before that again when I was a kid. Clearly this ankle is weaker. 

I still don't fully understand what happened. Some think it's all related, overcompensation. I think it was a complete coincidence and strike of bad luck. I was obviously distracted, upset, and was putting a lot of stress on myself to get better from the Brooklyn injury as quick as possible. I think I was in a poor mindset to be running and was not focused at all. 

And let me tell you, once you experience this level of pain, you never think of walking the same again. I've been analyzing every step I take for the past 5 weeks. Avoiding all dangers. Cringing at sidewalk cracks and navigating through crowds. Pure fear. But just like with Covid behaviors, I'm sure that will be forgotten with time.

Now July 12 - I'm so fucked for the marathon. 

I'm getting better, little by little. But I haven't run since May. And cannot run in my current state even if I wanted to. The lack of range of motion of my ankle is jarring. It's still swollen and discolored. This is supposed to be week 1 of NYC marathon training - this was my year. After 8 years of fitness goals, 4 years dedicating myself through races to qualify, a pandemic cancellation in 2020, and a conscious postponement in 2021...this was it in 2022. 

Pure sadness. 

I don't know what I'm going to do yet. The reality is the risk of injury feels really high. Anyone who has run a marathon before knows the real event is the 16 weeks of training, not the marathon itself. It's extremely taxing on the body and I'm starting off at several disadvantages: my asthma, my hip, my first marathon, and now my ankle. And I'm running out of time - crunching the training will make all of these issues much worse. 

After consulting with some medical professionals and experienced runners, I'm giving myself until the first week of August to make the decision to drop out. I'm buying myself some time to heal for another full month. And honestly to push the emotional burden of the decision off until we come back from our Italy trip. Now with *some* mobility back, I've been doing some biking both outdoors and on a stationary bike indoors, as well as some light weightlifting. Keeping away from lateral movements and anything that puts stress or weight on my ankle. I'm going to increase my biking mileage for July to mimic what I would have been running for marathon training (in total time, not miles). 

I appreciate all the support others have given me as I navigate through this disappointment. And the space people have given me to mourn something that seems trivial, but was really important to me. 

Hoping in the end, 2022 was in fact for healing after all. Just not in the way I had originally expected.

NYRR Washington Heights - March 2022

St. Patrick's Day - Patchogue - 3rd place

10 mile long run in preparation for the Brooklyn Half

Brooklyn Half painful finish

2022 is for Healing

Some people like to make New Year resolutions. I like to set a mantra at the start of the new year to set the tone of my intentions, orient my goals, and keep myself accountable. 2022 is the year of Healing. Healing from trauma, anger, emotional injury, and literal physical injuries. Now writing this in February, we're not off to a good start 2022...get it together man!

But first let's recap the end of 2021 to better understand how we got here.

First there was the NYC Marathon weekend in early November. While we couldn't stay for the marathon this year, I completed volunteer service at the Javits Center to help runners pick up their bibs, answer questions, and figure out other logistics. I was also tasked with greeting runners from different states and countries, welcoming them to NYC. Sadly, no one spoke Italian with me!

Before we had to split, the festivities concluded with Rob and I running the Abbott Dash 5K (along with cousins and a friend). For both of us, it was our best Abbott yet - with my new time being 00:28:37 for this particular race and course (vs. 2019 - 00:30:38 and 2018 - 00:29:37). 2020 was cancelled because of the pandemic.

In December, I turned my sights to a more challenging race and a first for me - the Ted Corbitt 15K, which would be my last marathon qualifier of 2021. I ran roughly 9.3 miles through Central Park with a finish time of 01:35:40. It was frigid out! But I was super happy with my pace - exactly on the 10:00 I was striving for. And consistent. I had some pain between mile 8-9 with my left leg locking up. Apparently because it wasn't hot out, I forgot to drink water (rookie mistake). Nor do I replenish with gummies or anything because I didn't want to peel layers off from being cold (also rookie mistake). 

2021 concluded with logging my final run towards my year long NY One Challenge. Since January 1, 2021, I had been logging my miles through their app, competing with others nationally. I was supposed to run 1,010 miles, but unfortunately I didn't met my original goal. I closed out the challenge on December 31, 2021 with 775 solid miles run. No walking. During the year long challenge, my average distance per run was 4 miles, my longest run was 13 miles, and my average pace was about 10:00, and my fastest was 8:04. Most of these miles were outside enjoying the places I love. While I'm disappointed that I didn't complete the challenge, it's the most miles I have ever run in year. That's a huge win. 

While I was wrapping up that challenge, unfortunately my little family got sick with Covid over the holidays. It was awful and ruined our plans. Of the four of us, I had the worst symptoms - flu like. Luckily it passed fairly quickly over the course of 10 days. But more concerning, now in February, I still feel it in my lungs. I haven't felt the same running since. 

If you follow me on Strava, you know that I've been treadmill bound for most of January and February. This is a big pivot for me. I hate the treadmill. But with the cold air, my asthma, and the lingering effects of the virus, outside was making me feel sick. We've also had an unusual amount of snow and ice on Long Island making the running conditions outside less than ideal for safety (and with cars). I've setup a little home gym area (finally!) to get me through feeling homebound for now. 

These days, it has been extremely difficult to make the class times at CrossFit. I'm just at a period of my life between new jobs, new schedules, the weather, frequent sickness...and the kids being at an age spread where they really need me during any spare time I have. I miss the community. I miss the tools. I miss the expertise. It's super important to have that in your mix - solo workouts are not enough or sustaining. With my home gym setup, I've been lifting lighter weights at home to maintain for now. 

As I set my eyes on what's next. Healing, progress, and hopefully warm weather - I jump started these good intentions with a warm weather run in Manhattan Beach (LA) on a recent trip. I miss travel, but even more, I miss "travel running". We found a coffee shop 4 miles from our hotel and that was our target. Such a great way to explore a new place.

I'm both anxious and excited thinking about all the running that's about to enter my life. I'm planning to do 3 New York Road Runner races this year (NYRR). The first is a repeat race coming up in March - Washington Heights Salsa, Blues, and Shamrocks 5K. I really enjoyed the course and neighborhoods in 2020 (before the world shut down) and want to give it another go with new legs, new eyes, and new purpose. I'm also signed up for the Brooklyn Half in May which I also did last year, but this time will be in person. I haven't figured out what my third race will be yet, but likely something in the summer months.

Because...

I need to start training for the NYC Marathon in July. It's a 16 week program. Gulp. 

Reset Button + The One Way Door

This past year has taught us a lot about ourselves, our loved ones, our communities, and our nation. For me personally, there are two ideas that are sticking in my head. You might have read about both of these concepts in various trend and economic reports (if you're into that sort of thing). They're not novel ideas, but they have been top of mind for me. And somewhat accelerated due to the nature of the pandemic. And both relate to my fitness journey. 

One is the concept of the Reset Button - "What if you could do it all over?" In other words, if you personally could go back to March 2020, before all of this happened, would you do it? (740,000+ US deaths aside) What did you lose that you'll never get back in the same way? An office job, work travel, where you lived, friendships, parts of your health - especially mental health. Are we permanently scarred from the trauma and damage of 2020 into 2021? 

From a fitness perspective, what was lost for me? A stable routine, the races leading up to the marathon entry, the NYC marathon itself, part of a thriving and inspiring fitness community of likeminded people, access to a CrossFit box. 

The other concept is The One Way Door - "What behaviors or learnings have you gained that you would never go back to the way things were?" Have you revaluated certain relationships? Have you seen true colors? Have you changed the way you budget your time, energy, and resources? The way you actually do your work? The easy example here is 'work from home' (which doesn't apply to everyone).

From a fitness perspective, some of my organic experiences have been lost. I need to plan more now, even though I have increased flexibility. It's bizarre. I think the 'one way door' for me is never going back to a full commute. It was literally taking years off my life health wise. I think it's never sitting 9-5 at a desk again. I think it's prioritizing my work schedule around my family and kids vs. squeezing them into whatever spare time I have left at the end of the day - where "work is king".

Somehow by doing all of these things, I've finally reached a point of balance (for now). I get all my work done (actually a lot more than pre-pandemic if you quantify it). I'm more efficient with my time. I'm saving money in some ways since "going out" now is very defined moments vs. organically (which is also sad in some ways - less spontaneous). 

So since both concepts are opposing ideas - which would I pick? I think if I'm answering honestly today, it would be the Reset Button. I think that's a crappy answer when trying to move forward, progress, evolve, and improve through life. But sometimes it's all just too hard.

Am I physically healthier than pre-pandemic? No, I don't think so. I've gained weight, slower pace and loss strength. Am I happier? No, probably not. But I need to let this new state of balance play out. And I think this is where healing starts to comes into play - and maybe that will be the theme and goal, the concept of 2022.

So what have I been up to?

A few fitness accomplishments! Coming off an injury, I successfully ran a Half Marathon back in May running a 10:56 average pace, with a total time of 02:23:15. Slower than my Half from 2017, but it felt great to get another one under my belt. Specific distances and events become mentally less daunting each time. 

I'm about half way through earning NYC marathon entry (New York Road runners 9+1 program). As a reminder, I already have entry - but I deferred to 2022. I'm looking to "re-earn" another entry to give myself future options 2023 and beyond.

And lastly, I finally joined a local CrossFit box back in June. Well actually, end of May - because why not continue my pattern of dropping into CF boxes as a stranger for Murph! (yes, I've done this before). At least I was not pregnant this time.

My current routine: 

5 mile Run

3 mile Run

4 mile Run

CrossFit

5 mile Run

13-16 mile Bicycle outdoors

Sometimes I swap one of the shorter runs for a lifting day at home. And Sundays are usually active recovery with the family (walk, hike, casual bike).

A nod to healing in 2022. 

Murph May 2021

Waltham bicycle adventures

Family hike 

Boston Run in August

SOURCES:

The New Yorker - December 2020