Preparation, Celebration, & Ordinary Time

In the Catholic church, we often use the terms Preparation, Celebration, and Ordinary Time to describe the different seasons of our liturgical year. Advent and Lent, represented by the color purple, are seasons of preparation. Bigger holidays like Christmas and Easter, represented by the color white, are meant for celebrating - the "big events" of being Catholic. And then there's the largest season of them all, represented by green to signify the growth that happens during the plain old ordinary times of our lives. 

Exactly one month out from my marathon, I can't help but feel a bit sad and lost. It had become my whole identity. In order to run a marathon, it kind of has to become just that. It feels similar to being in a show. I remember back in school we would rehearse for months and months, and then the big night would come - the performance. Music. Tears. Joy. And just like that, it was a over. The patrons would clap, they would gather their coats and belongings, and they would exit the theater. And you were left standing there holding your instrument - thinking "what now?" 

The training was preparation, the marathon was celebration. Now I have entered MY ordinary time. It's not all sad and it won't last very long before I'm busy running again, but it sure feels weird and uncomfortable.

So how did it go? Yes, you have seen a million photos and *very* well produced video by yours truly...but what really happened out there on November 3rd!

It was magnificent. But so many things went wrong. I did not get enough sleep that week - plain and simple. My stress levels were off the charts to the point I was throwing up (TMI). I felt like I was being pulled in a million directions and trying to make everyone happy, while simultaneously feeling guilty about not being grateful or appreciative enough for their support. Plans were changing by the second, and I was the only one responsible for "fixing them" and to make sure everyone was taken care of. I was not focused on running a marathon. I think next year, Rob and I are going to plan for a much simpler experience. I had my big "hurrah" twice now. Perhaps round 3 warrants a different approach. 

After running the Abbott Dash, my nose started running pretty badly. It didn't concern me at first. There was a big temperature change that day and I've historically been sensitive to that. I figured it would clear up in a few hours. It didn't. And then it turned into swelling and congestion. I wonder if something was brewing all week and I was suppressing it going 100mph fixing things. I had to take some pretty serious medicine to get me through the next day (hey, it worked?) The strange part was that the symptoms never came back. 

And then there was the infamous wall. Everyone has a different wall. But there's a spot that's very common for the majority of people. I'm one of those people (yay for being average?) MILE 22 - the killer. Just like last year, my pace plummeted once I came out of the Bronx and entered Harlem. Last year, I was tired. I was slowing down because I was tired. This year felt different. I remember looking down at my watch a few times and the numbers were not making sense to me. Almost like they were blurry or jumbled, but not in a vision way. In a comprehension way. I also kept forgetting where I was. Did I pass the mile marker yet? Is it in front of me? In back of me? This doesn't like like a big deal for someone running 26+ miles, but I promise that I knew exactly where I was every second before that. This was...strange. Something was definitely happening to my body. Abort mission! Move resources elsewhere! One theory post-mortem is that my sodium was low. I'm confident that my carb intake was spot on, but I might need some additional sodium separately next year. Simultaneously, my leg-hip thingy (IT band) also started to flare up at this point. Like a raging fire in my leg. My friend Kristen had to aggressively roll it during a quick pitstop when I saw her coming down 5th Ave. 

And then there were the stand-out positive moments! 

I ran my target pace perfectly from miles 0 to 22. I was so much more consistent that last year. I was on track to hit 4:45:00 (well, until mile 22!) Discipline for the win.

On the Queensboro bridge, I tucked myself behind a nice man in a yellow shirt and drafted off him the entire bridge. Before I knew it, the difficult bridge was over. It wasn't this big scary thing anymore. 

And lastly, I got to see my daughter Pietra on the course this year for hugs and high fives. I think she believes marathon chasing is a lot of work - and she's not wrong! 

Ok  - so what about the shirt?

A few people asked me about the meaning of my marathon shirt. Obviously it was a Taylor Swift reference. No, I'm not a big Taylor Swift fan (though I've come to appreciate her song writing more this year). Perhaps it has become more relatable with age. Originally, it was meant to signify revenge. For all the people who have wronged me. The ones that didn't believe in me. The ones who have made remarks about my body. The ones who abandoned me when I became a Mom. The ones who have deeply hurt me. I still carry the weight of a lot of that pain today. 

But the song took on a new meaning. Yes, at surface level its about revenge. But if you listen carefully, its also about Taylor's own death. The death of her old self. It's about being wiser and stronger. 

When I first started running (or doing any of this fitness stuff really), much of it was to prove something to other people. To prove that I can have a better looking body - not just the chubby girl. To prove I can do what the jocks once made fun of me for. To prove to my male dominated family and within my career path -  that I could gain their acceptance and not just be "the girl". To be their equal. 

But it wasn't working. It's still not working. So maybe it's not my body that needs to change, but my mentality. Now - it's about knowing my worth. It's pretty damn high. And it's about finally shedding the persona of the girl who needs everyone's approval. 

So as I was running, mile by mile, I let each one of those things go. Whether it was my own insecurity, a bad memory, a person who hurt me...I let them go. I said to them "if I can run this mile, you will no longer hurt me". And that's just what I did. And that's "what they made me do". I also looked pretty good doing it too. 

NYC Marathon 2024
Jackie M.F. Bosco
4:57:14 

Ready for my New Era

While October was the dress rehearsal, November 1 is opening night - and the main show November 3 is so close. Today I'm packing my bags, going through checklists, laying out all the carefully selected items that have been tested and adjusted over the past few months. I'm looking back through notes from my marathon experience last year to remember things like "oh man that sucked", or "don't forget this!", and "you really didn't need that item." 

Simultaneously, I'm trying to help Rob navigate his own journey through advice and some forceful planning. Though he's annoyingly cool as a cucumber! 

The stress has been real this week. Big time. And funny enough, nothing to do with running. Personal drama and logistics! Oh and did I mention logistics. While the most well organized in the world, the NYC Marathon is complicated. We're fortunate enough to have a hotel room for the next 3 nights in the center of all the action, but it's still complicated. Normally - 9 million residents and 2 million commuters/visitors. Plus an additional 2 million spectating and 55,000 runners. It's crowded! And there's a lot of "be here, at this time, for this thing" over the next few days.

This year in particular, our schedule feels crammed. We have one less night in the city than we usually do because of the way Halloween fell this year and our need to be home with the kids. Consequently, we had to cut a few things out of the schedule. And cram other parts of the schedule to somehow make it all work. I did take off work today even though I had to stay local to prepare, pack, and honestly rest my brain a little. 

The best part of today was getting my marathon nails done. I think it's the only joy I've felt all week amidst the stress, personal drama, and fatigue. Of course, it doesn't actually matter. But it matters to me. Actually a lot. There's something special about doing something so physically demanding and traditionally masculine, while also being highly feminine at the same time. I love that about my personality. And I enjoy celebrating it whenever  I can - even through my crazy marathon nails!

Tomorrow morning we depart for Manhattan. Physically - I'm ready. I have a pacing plan that looks different than last year (my future self will probably laugh at this). I'm really hoping to practice self-control for the first Half of the race. I would love to feel stronger than last year coming off the Queensboro bridge at mile 16. And I would like to not zonk out during miles 22-25 like I did last year. I was so very tired and struggling to move forward. And I hated that feeling.

My training has me projected at a 4:35 finish. But as I've mentioned before, so many things are out of my control for race day vs. the training. 

I keep trying to remind myself that I couldn't run a single mile in September coming off injury. It's nothing short of miraculous how quickly I ramped up and that I'm actually running a marathon feeling this strong. Actually, it wasn't a miracle at all. I worked my ass off. And I had a lot people in my corner helping me medically, helping with the kids, running alongside me, and texts and phone calls of encouragement (I got a bunch today!) 

I've also felt a lot of angst lately that somehow has been fueling me (for better or worse) about past relationships, disappointment, my challenges with faith, and the state of the country. And lots of swirling feelings about betterment, death to old self, and even karma. 

This year my marathon shirt will pay tribute to these recent feelings. You could say, the shirt is going to describe my current "Era".

The Dress Rehearsal

We are less than 3 weeks out from the 2024 TCS NYC Marathon (insert panic emoji here). Admittedly, I'm starting to enter my usual manic state, obsessing over every detail (running and non-running related). And generally in workout overload. I just can't stop moving. Since my last post, I have tackled a 14, 16, and 18 mile long run successfully and injury free. This past weekend was the "dress rehearsal", the Staten Island Half. Rob and I went through the motions - the packing, the train, the hotel, the meal prep, the ferry. It's weird to say "Rob and I" as I have sucked him into my world (or maybe he's just trying to run away FROM me).

We learned a few things during our rehearsal. Most of these things I knew already, but it was a good slap in the face reminder. Some were new considerations for Rob altogether. We always overdo it - adding unnecessary stops and obligations. We thought it was a good idea to lug my bicycle into Manhattan because it needed a repair. On the surface, not a big deal. But added some time and logistic pressure that should have been avoided. Our dinner was lack-luster and disappointing, and even a touch too late with slow service. Despite having the hotel, we did not get a good night sleep. We tried a new hotel to be closer to the ferry - specific to this Half, and we didn't like it. Not a big deal for one night, but can certainly ruin the vibe for 3 nights leading up to a marathon. 

The next morning, we left plenty of time to get to the ferry, but it wasn't enough. The terminal was crowded. We didn't get on the boat that was just departing and had to wait for the next one. Rob was Wave 1 - 8am and I was Wave 2 - 8:30am. We both had to use the bathroom again. When we finally arrived in Staten Island, Rob just had enough time to take off his sweatshirt and run to his corral. Keep in mind this was only a small race of 9,000 runners, and the corrals were right next to the ferry terminal. The marathon will be 55,000 runners, 5 waves, 2 million spectators, and major road closures. 

The morning of the marathon we need to take a subway to the ferry, the ferry to Staten Island, then a bus to Fort Wadsworth. With no issues at all, it's about a 3 hour journey. They DO run more ferries that day, it was a constant flow last year. But regardless, this snags during this experience left is a little uneasy and paranoid. 

Net-Net: There are so many things out of your control for a race that would be normally be in your control during training.  

During the race, neither of us were happy with our clothes. I was ridiculously hot from the second I started running. I cannot physically wear less clothing besides just my sports bra, but then I have no where to pin my bib. I've tried about 25 shirts and it feels too late to make a change now. I'm wondering if making some adjustments to my existing shirt could help, but would still need to test that out again. For Rob it was less about temperature and more about being uncomfortable - his shirt was rubbing in all the wrong places. 

But lots of things DID go well. Really well in fact. 

We spent time together and had some little moments walking around Seaport. Looking at old ships, fresh produce and flowers, getting a really good coffee, talking to some dude on his motorcycle, playing our favorite game "spot the Italians". And we got to catch-up with Kara and Amanda after the race on Sunday for brunch. 

We ran well - and at the end of the day, that's what matters. Even if we were suffering during it (though it would be great to prevent as much of that suffering in advance as possible). 

Rob set a new Half PR of 1:44:48 and I set a new course PR of 2:14:05, significantly beating both of my times from 2022 and 2023. I had planned on taking it slow but was able to keep up with the 2:10 pacer for 2/3 of the course. Once I was approaching the Verrazzano though, I felt myself slowing and her cadence was no longer mine. I knew there were a bunch of giant hills ahead and pushing to keep up with her wasn't going to end well for me. So I let her go - and ran my own race until the end. 

The views under the Verrazzano and the Manhattan skyline were simply breathtaking. You feel so small next to them, but also so big at the same time. It was a weird paradox - none of this matters, all of this matters. I think the thing about running that people don't truly understand is that it's not really about running at all. It's about humanity. It's about struggle and triumph. 

This week I will take on my last long-run - 20 miles. It will take me a little less than 4 hours and I will definitely be taking it slow. Last year I ran this with my friend Megan. This year, I'm not sure yet if it's going to be a solo venture. Then I will have a 2 week taper with much lighter running and activity overall. I think normal people call it REST. 

As we approach November 3rd...

Hopefully the temperature starts to cool down.
Hopefully we figure out our clothing issues.
Hopefully we find more of those little moments to remind us about the humanity of running. 

See you in 3 weeks Staten Island for the "full show".

Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

We are officially 6 weeks out from the 2024 NYC Marathon. Most folks have the bulk of their training behind them with maybe 1-2 more long runs to go. Meanwhile I have spent the past 4 weeks aggressively catching up. There has been very little rest for the wicked. 

Initially, I leaned heavily into cycling to keep up my fitness in a safer way - less lateral movement, low impact, not putting weight on my ankle. I did a 10, 12, 14, 15, 16, and 17 mile bike ride to mimic what would have been my long runs. 

BUT on August 16th, I was cleared to run. Happy birthday to me. The following Monday, I took my first few steps - ankle wrapped, 1 minute walking, 1 minute "running". It was painful both mentally and physically. But this was not my first rodeo with injury, so I also knew what to expect. It was wobbly, it was slow, but I got through it. Two days later I gave it another go. Then another - for a longer distance. By the next week I unwrapped my ankle and did my first true run - a 5K. It wasn't pretty, but the muscle memory did come back to me. One foot in front of the other. Literally!

So where am I now 4 weeks later? I took some pretty big jumps after that. 6 miles, 8 miles, 10 miles, and 12 miles as of last week. This week I will tackle my 14 miles. I wasn't kidding when I said no rest. From this point on, my progression is only upward. It has to be...with such a crunched timeline.

But I have to admit, reinjury is top of mind. And the odds feel really high. I've been trying to protect myself the best I can with the timing of my runs, my slower pace, and making sure I cap-end the long runs with true rest or active recovery. There is no room for error in this plan. I'm also keeping an eye on my reoccurring IT band issue - the slower pace is good mitigation to that for now.

As I've got back to running, I've also been able to return to running with my running club on some mornings. There's something about like-minded people commiserating about challenges, failures, and triumphs that is extremely comforting. People who may look different than you, but speak the same "language" as you. Their support has been unwavering.

This past week, I made an uneasy return to CrossFit. Yes, I'm scared. But I need the cross-training to help my running. And I missed the feeling of the metal barbell on my hands too much. In the end, CrossFit will always be my "first love". My fitness impetus. But as my goals have shifted over time, and frankly, as I get older, the way I approach the activity is likely going to continue to be more supplemental and cautious. As long as running is the priority, I'll never be able to give 100% at CrossFit. 

This is my current mix until the marathon:

• CrossFit
• Short Run
• HIIT
• Short Bike
• Long Run
• REST
• Long Bike

As I continue my long-run progression from 14, 16, 18, 20 - Rob and I have the Staten Island Half smacked right between the 18 and 20 miler. This will be the true "test" of how I operate in a race setting. 

Praying for good rest, a steady pace, and a solid time to help boost my confidence in my body's ability to perform.

Welp! I messed that up!

I cannot stress enough how much my body refuses to be who I want it to be (said mostly in  jest and in the spirit of self-deprecation). 

Everything has been going incredibly well on the fitness front for me these past few months. Lots of PRs across activities! So much consistency and dedication! Even Italy was a success. I dined! I wined! I ran and used the gym! 2024 NYC Marathon here I come...

Then I got hurt. Welp! I messed that good streak up didn't I?

The next morning after coming back from our Italy trip, I went to an early morning CrossFit class (July 15). Honestly, I did not feel particularly tired or jetlagged. I even had a good night sleep. During class, we did a great warm-up so I felt prepared. The actual WOD involved box jumps, which I don't do anymore because of all my ankle and IT band injuries (you'll see...but LOL). No problem, I've been doing step-ups for years now (same box height, no jumping up, but I do jump down). It's challenging enough for my needs without risking getting hurt.

What happened makes NO sense to me. This is a movement that I have done in some fashion for 10+ years now. I know the mechanics, the risks, how to land - all of it. At the very end of the WOD, after my last rep, I remember looking up at the clock while standing on the box to check my finish time. I remember making eye contact with the coach and doing some kind of head nod or thumbs up that I finished. Then I don't remember exactly what I did next. I fell off the box....and all my weight went onto my right ankle (haha! Not the usual one I sprain, a newbie!)

Was the adrenaline hiding my fatigue and my leg cramped or gave out causing me to fall off the box? Did I misstep? Did I lose my balance? Did I try to jump down and misjudged something? Another peer nearby later told me that it almost looked like I crumbled off the box. Everyone agreed that it was bizarre.

As soon as it happened, I knew it was really bad. This is not my first rodeo. I felt immediate sharp pain. Swelling within minutes. Bruising within hours. Even more swelling that night. Of course I followed protocol right away: Rest, Ice, Compress, Elevate. I was seen by my trusty doc a few days later as well once the swelling went down a bit to assess the damage and get an actual diagnosis. Grade 2 sprain in 2 places (joy!) -  I sprained the calcaneofibular and posterior talofibular ligaments.

So what does this mean for the marathon? Mind you - I was 1/4 through my training when this happened. So about 4 weeks into a 16 week plan. 

I haven't run in 3 weeks which really sucks, especially for my mental health. I was a little ahead with my training, but the window of that advantage has now closed. I just started biking this week because I'm now able to lock out my ankle mostly pain-free and push a pedal. The goal is to now replace what was on the schedule for a long run with biking (e.g. 14 miles running becomes 14 miles biking).

I have also been doing mini WODS involving rounds of seated dumbbell press, kneeling push-ups, and sit-ups from home. There are not many things that don't use your ankle or that are not weight bearing on your feet! I've also been paying more attention to nutrition and supplements to help the healing process along.

This sprain feels different than the past. It's hard to put into words, but I feel different. The sprain feels different. At this point, I'm trying not to be too depressingly pessimistic or naively optimistic though. I'm still in the early stage of this injury to really know what my next steps in terms of events will be (no pun intended).

OK - I lied. Let's speculate. I think the absolute best case scenario is that I start running the last week of August. And when I say running, I mean first steps. 1 mile, 2 miles, 3 miles max. Forget about pace (what is pace...what is life). 

Then I start ramping up with 8 weeks to go until the marathon (that's actually disgusting to even write down - 8 weeks!) 

• What does the first long run look like? 
• How far do I train until? (is the final "long" 16, 18, 20 miles?)
• How much rest do I give myself between long runs now that I'm on an expediated timeline?
• How do I play catch-up while simultaneously not risk re-injury?
• What's my cut off point of deciding if I need to defer? (insert crying emoji here) 

Per usual, the Staten Island Half (October 13) will be a good test. Damn that race. Because of it's timing, it has literally been a "test" for me every year for various reasons.

There's a lot to unpack here. Getting hurt sucks. The way I got hurt feels particularly dumb. The timing is awful (couldn't this have happened December through May!) It's difficult to explain to people how the running world revolves around events. It's really no different the seasons of various sports. All the work you put into your craft is for the events and the races. And then there's the whole aspect that much of what I specifically do is not just "sign up, anyone can do it". So there's also all the time, money, resources that have been put into earning those entries and invitations. 

All of this to say - I'm sorry that I'm constantly complaining! Just remember: 

YOU TOO can get off the couch, strive for a healthy lifestyle, and be hurt all the time just like me (also said in jest, but only sort of). 

It's about to get real

These past few weeks after the Brooklyn Half can only be described as madness. While I don't have any races planned for the summer, marathon training has officially begun.  You may be wondering what have I been up to exactly. Shit is about to get real.

• Hitting those long runs every week - most recently a 12 miler (where a man named Camilo tried to kill me with his faster pace!). I did this same method last year - keeping that "Brooklyn base" going until marathon training begins. I believe it served me well and created some nice buffers in my training plan, so here we are rinse and repeat for 2024!
  
  
• Participated in Murph 2024 (CrossFit) - I've lost track on how many years I've done it now. It's truly one of my favorite events and such a great benchmark of personal fitness and mental grit. This year I clocked in at 01:06:59. The push-ups absolutely killed me! After the first 100, I was doing singles to get through the next 100 - it was a huge time suck! But the squats and the end cap runs felt great.
  
  
• Have really enjoyed lifting without 'fear' - as Brooklyn was getting closer and I was experiencing my usual nagging issues, I was definitely holding back. Eye on the prize, it wasn't worth any risks. The past few weeks I've been able to push a littler harder during CrossFit WODs. While I know it will be short lived as marathon training is about to ramp up, it was nice to feel a little stronger. There was a specific WOD that really sticks out in my head that was a mix of running sprints and one heavy lift. It was super short - under 10 minutes. I'm always last or close to last in my class, but this was the first time EVER that I was the first to finish. It combined two things I was good at in a digestible format which allowed me to shine. 
  
  
• Switched jobs - this is a pretty big one. Especially when it comes to my schedule. I will be in Manhattan 3 days a week (Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays). This was my first week of commuting. While only 3 days, this is a huge change from fully remote. When it comes to my training schedule, it has a big impact since the city days are sequential. I have to completely rethink my schedule with lots of new constraints and considerations.
  
  

The first two problems are interrelated - which day for my long run and which day for CrossFit? CrossFit is dependent on a class schedule that I don't set. My current leaning is to do my long runs on Monday early mornings A) since I am home and not commuting B) because if I get zero exercise on my commuting days, at least they can be seen as recovery days from the long run.

That means I'll be aiming to do CrossFit on Fridays now - the other day I am home. For the summer that will be a 5:15am or 7am class since I still need to be home in time to help with the kids' routine. Once my youngest begins Kindergarten in September, I'll have a little more flexibility there. 

So what about my two short runs and one cycling day - where do those fit in? I haven't quite figured that out yet. Working out before the commute is not realistic. I'm already waking up at 5am to make the train. Working out after the commute feels dismal. Energy low and it's the only time I will briefly see my kids. Working out at the office is an option. There is a gym. And I'm located right on the Highline as well which is great for short runs. But I don't have a sense of how to manage that yet. Timing. Showers. Etiquette. Remember, my previous "office" experience was working for a fitness company. Different vibes. Of my 3 city days, do I just try to hit the middle day of Wednesday and stay a little later?

In summary, working out (and training) Monday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday (and NOT Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday) does not make any sense. But that's the only reality I can see right now.

Patience

Faith

Give it time

Give yourself grace

I know it will all work out. I always find a way. It just feels like puzzle right now and a bit of a whirlwind. Especially since these life changes happened so quickly and somewhat unexpectedly.

While my focus will be on marathon training these next few months, there are also some races in the fall that will play a role in the overall story:

• October 13 - Staten Island Half
• November 2 - Abbott Dash 5K
• November 3 - NYC Marathon (of course)
• December 7 - Ted Corbitt 15K

We leave for Italy this coming Saturday and will be traveling there the first two weeks of July. These will definitely be "step back" weeks for me, but I plan to stay as active as possible (to offset the gelato, pizza, and pasta of course). It's going to be brutally hot there and I won't have access to much equipment other than my feet and bodyweight. My goal is pretty simple - workout every other day. And try to get two 6 mile runs in while there (one for each week). Hoping Rob and I can find a groove to help each other achieve this goal like we did on our last London-Paris trip. Just replace the croissants with other carbs. 

Giving yourself grace

I was expecting to be writing a different kind of post from the couch the day after the Brooklyn Half, legs sore and toes beaten. I expected to write about a remarkable experience. Hitting my goal time. And a great performance. Unfortunately, it wasn't my day. The stars were not aligned. 

Thinking back a few weeks, there were surely some red flags to why I crumbled on the course. It's actually not surprising at all that I didn't hit my goal. 

I started feeling some pain in my hip-leg about two weeks ago after my 10 mile long run. My old nagging IT band injury. I acted quickly and thoroughly to address it. The next week, I did another 10 mile run and felt pretty good after. Until I spent the majority of daughter's First Communion on my feet in poor shoes during my recovery period. The pain came back. I also haven't been sleeping well. And some other things going on in life keeping me quite on edge (even for me!)

Nevertheless, I actually felt good on race day. The 7 days prior, I was icing my leg religiously, taking supplements, resting from all activity besides walking, and got treatment. 

Rob and I arrived in Brooklyn on Friday and made our way to the expo to pick up our bibs. It was really special to share this experience with him for the first time - as he was running as well through a lucky lottery entry. I enjoyed snapping photos, beaming with pride, knowing he was going to put down a killer time the next day - with little effort. He's a natural. An anomaly. 

The Brooklyn Half Expo is one of a kind. It's a true pre-party event with live music round the clock, food trucks, craft beer, and lots of running amenities. The view from DUMBO is breathtaking and the vibe is magical. I wish the NYC Marathon Expo was like this! 

While we were fortunate enough to be able to stay overnight in a hotel, we still didn't get enough sleep. Work, nerves, and too much running around on Friday evening. Nothing out of the norm for us, but took a larger compounding toll this time. When our alarm clock went off at 5am, we both moaned and cringed. Brutal. Out the door by 5:30am to take the subway down to Prospect Park.

Rob was in Wave 1, Corral H and I was in Wave 2, Corral C. Sadly, we had to separate pretty soon after arriving because they organized the corrals differently this year than years past which required an earlier and more strict holding pattern. With the goal of having a more organized, safer, and better experience for all runners. This being my third year at this particular event, I didn't notice a big difference. Rob said he felt like he was in the right spot, so maybe it was better for the faster runners to have a little more breathing room.

Before we split, we met up with a bunch of Milltown Runners from Patchogue, and then divided into two groups based on our corrals. Rob went with the majority of them in Wave 1, in addition to meeting up with my friend Will in his corral H. Me and two other Milltown women had a later start time in Wave 2 - as well as three different corral letters from each other. We had plenty of time to get coffee, fuel, hydrate, and use the bathroom one last time. 

When I got into my corral, the energy was buzzing. The corral went silent for the national anthem and wildly cheered at the line "land of the free". There was a woman next to me from London who ran the NYC Marathon this past fall just like me, as well as London and Boston. She also has entry into Chicago this year. She was asking me about the Brooklyn course as she had never done it before. I told her miles 1-7 in the park were the hardest part, and then once you break free from that it's easy sailing down Ocean Parkway to Coney Island. Foreshadowing...as I ate my words soon after!

So my Half Marathon PR was 2:12:18, which happens to be Brooklyn 2023 from last year. I have been consistently running closer to a 9 minute pace the last 6 months. I've held it for a 5k, then a 10k, then a 15k. It was completely feasible that I could hit that for a Half Marathon as well. 

My goal was to shatter that and hit 2:05:00. Which meant I needed to hold a 9:30 pace. Meaning...I gave myself 30 seconds of leeway from what I knew I could run. A very realistic goal. In my head, I was thinking I could even hit the 2 hour mark if I really was feeling good.

Good news - I did set a new PR of 2:10:59

Bad news - obviously, I did not a hit 2:05:00. I was nearly 6 minutes off.

So what went wrong? Just take a look at my pace analysis. Miles 1-4 were perfect. Spot on. Then I hit the big hill between miles 5-6 and had a little slow down - totally expected and not even that bad. Then I broke free out of the thickness of the park onto Ocean Parkway - just a straight shot down to Coney Island now. Very flat. It should have felt easy. But as you can see, I started to lose my pace...9:43, 9:59, 10:49 !!!

I was holding on for dear life. 

I can tell you that every step I took was torture. I was running at max effort. And every time I stared down at my watch, I was getting slower and slower. It didn't feel real. 

And the truth is, even though I hit those first few miles perfectly. I knew at the start of the race that something was off. I didn't have my usual adrenaline. Sure, I was happy to be there. But something never kicked in. I just couldn't find a groove. I was uncomfortable from the first step I took. The air felt thick. It was much hotter than I thought it was going to be. The cloud coverage broke away to blazing sun. I was thirsty by the first water station - dehydrated even. Once you feel dehydrated, it's already too late. I had a GU gel around mile 6 and it made my stomach turn. Also very strange. OH - and I had to pee within the first ten minutes. Even though I had just gone. So I held it in until I just couldn't hold it anymore and used a potty at mile 10. It was the quickest 27 seconds of my life (no really, I timed it). But argh what a waste of time and a terrible head game.

Then around mile 12, my leg started to hurt. Which also brought on a great deal of PTSD and anxiety around 2022 Brooklyn incident at the same exact spot on the course. Not a coincidence. Max fatigue. I had to choke back some tears to run past "the spot" and then felt relieved once I physically passed it, confirming that I was indeed not cursed. 

So when I say the stars were not aligned that day for me, I think it's safe to say the stars were in fact MISALIGNED!

I did smile at the end. Apparently. NYRR got a candid photo of me seconds after getting my medal. So there's evidence that I was at least somewhat happy. 

I know, I know. You think I'm nuts. But can you imagine working that hard for a year. Running a full marathon. Hitting all your training runs. Running at max effort...to only take ONE single minute off your previous time? That would drive anyone mad. 

I think there's a lesson in all of this. I haven't quite figured it out yet. Let me know if you figure it out first!

I think it's something about "giving yourself grace".

It was a bad day.
I have a lot going on outside of running.
Despite all that - I STILL set a PR.
Even if it's not as big of a jump as I wanted.
I'm still always improving.
I'm not going backwards. 

And...there's always next year. I'm coming for you Brooklyn 2025 (insert deranged emoji here). As I told our friend Maggie, it's either running or hard drugs. So be happy I picked running.